Hello Human ...

Hello human ... what are you doing up there on that table ... anyway it doesn't matter ...look at me !
Maybe just a little nudge with me head ... a little nip at the ankle maybe ...
Ah yesssss ! ... I have your attention ...

Now rub behind my ears .... ah yes... good boy, good boy ...
Now I will just lie on my back here ... Rub my tummy human rub it ... yes yess ... you know you like it! You know you like it... your such a good boy, such a good boy!

Ah ah ah ah ah ... ok ok ... that's enough ... I said enough ... Damn it, don't make me slap you again ... You humans and ur inseccent need for attention...

Ok I've wasted enough time playing with you ... Make with the cat chips ... I'm starving ...
Oh come on !! Do I have to spell this out for you?! ... Ok ok, I'm looking at the bowl... now I'm looking at you ...... looooooking at the bowl .... Looooking at you... Now I'm looking at the food bag ...... loooking at you .... looking at the bowl. Food, bowl, you .... food, bowl, you ... What do I keep you around for ? Your so slow ... To think I wasted all that time rolling around on the ground to still have to explain this ... I need to train you better than this

Ahhhh ... finallllllyyyyy !!! You're getting it .....

I swear to God if I only had opposable thumbs, I would have kicked you out on the street years ago.

......................................................
*The Egocentric Thoughts of Mr. Whiskers*

Cry Face ...

So yesterday as I reach home and get out the car I see one of my neighbours kids playing in their back porch across the road. She is totally oblivious to my arrival, swinging a broomstick at a tree that overhung into her yard.

She is talking to herself and swinging the broomstick around and around ... totally engaged in whatever childhood fantasy she was having.

I decide to sneak up on her.

As I get closer and closer with ninja like stealth, I hear her counting: "Oonnee... Twoooo... Tweeee... "
At that point I grab the broomstick and say "FOOOUUUR !!"

Needless to say - she froze ...looked up ... and immediately put on her cry-face ...
And I shed tears of laughter ...

By that time she realised it was me ... and she started to laugh too [she didn't actually cry btw]
But her face was hilarious ... it was the classic little children's cry face ... mouth wide open and everything ...

After she started laughing as well and I was sure she wasn't traumatised I bid her farewell...
My job of being a menace to society completed for the day, I went home satisfied.