A young woman and her two young children have gone missing today, in what has been reported to be a disaster involving a black-hole vortex. Lisa Seetaram, 22, of Monkeytown Village and her two young children, Krystal and Moonesh, were reportedly discovered missing by her common law husband Baldeo Ramroop on the night of Tuesday June 19th. Baldeo, in a drunken state, staggered into his house on that faithful night, not only to find his wife and two small children missing, but also a whirlwind of destruction.
"Ah did come home hoping to rupes up mih wife dey" a visibly distraught Baldeo stated, "But she wasn't dey and de whole place was mash een!". Baldeo further went on to say "Oh gawd ah go miss she eh, i mean i did used to give she lil licks an ting, but ah did love she bad bad".
Upon Baldeo's discovery, the police were immediately dispatched to investigate. At a press conference released later that day, Sgnt. Michael Samuels of the Special Branch Police Investigations Unit had this to say
"In conjunction with experts from the University of the West Indies, we believe that Miss Seetaram and her two children were swallowed by a black-hole vortex that was created mysteriously in her kitchen. It is also speculated that a number of other items from the household including clothes, some suitcases, some documents including plane tickets, food and a few small appliances were also sucked in. The police have however not ruled out foul play, and will continue investigating."
Also speaking at the press conference, Space-Time expert, Professor Stephen Giff had this to say:
"We have come to believe that this anomaly was created when Miss Seetaram, upon removing the last new garbage bag from a box of garbage bags, opened the bag and placed the box into it. The beginning had thus become the end creating a rip in the space-time continuum from which the vortex was created. Miss Seetaram and her children were believed to be sucked into this with the rest of the house being left in shambles."
Upon hearing of the incident, the Honourable Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago had this to say:
"It is definitely a concern of the Government of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, that vortices can be created in this fair island that have such disastrous potential. The PNM Government will make a concentrated effort to investigate the matter thoroughly and contain this garbage bag crisis." He further went on to say "We will stamp this out in the east, we will stamp it out in the west, we will stamp it out up north and we we stamp it out down south!!"
The Opposition Leader, however, had this to say
"Its the PNM's fault that this happened. Clearly the PNM has an agenda to remove voter's from UNC constituencies. The people of Trinidad will not stand for this and we will march through Port-of-Spain"
"Ah did come home hoping to rupes up mih wife dey" a visibly distraught Baldeo stated, "But she wasn't dey and de whole place was mash een!". Baldeo further went on to say "Oh gawd ah go miss she eh, i mean i did used to give she lil licks an ting, but ah did love she bad bad".
Upon Baldeo's discovery, the police were immediately dispatched to investigate. At a press conference released later that day, Sgnt. Michael Samuels of the Special Branch Police Investigations Unit had this to say
"In conjunction with experts from the University of the West Indies, we believe that Miss Seetaram and her two children were swallowed by a black-hole vortex that was created mysteriously in her kitchen. It is also speculated that a number of other items from the household including clothes, some suitcases, some documents including plane tickets, food and a few small appliances were also sucked in. The police have however not ruled out foul play, and will continue investigating."
Also speaking at the press conference, Space-Time expert, Professor Stephen Giff had this to say:
"We have come to believe that this anomaly was created when Miss Seetaram, upon removing the last new garbage bag from a box of garbage bags, opened the bag and placed the box into it. The beginning had thus become the end creating a rip in the space-time continuum from which the vortex was created. Miss Seetaram and her children were believed to be sucked into this with the rest of the house being left in shambles."
Upon hearing of the incident, the Honourable Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago had this to say:
"It is definitely a concern of the Government of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, that vortices can be created in this fair island that have such disastrous potential. The PNM Government will make a concentrated effort to investigate the matter thoroughly and contain this garbage bag crisis." He further went on to say "We will stamp this out in the east, we will stamp it out in the west, we will stamp it out up north and we we stamp it out down south!!"
The Opposition Leader, however, had this to say
"Its the PNM's fault that this happened. Clearly the PNM has an agenda to remove voter's from UNC constituencies. The people of Trinidad will not stand for this and we will march through Port-of-Spain"
The CEO of the alleged garbage bag company was also contacted, but claimed that the entire situation was too ridiculous for comment.
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