Pain....

I'm no stranger to pain ...
In fact ...... Pain and i have been having a intermittent relationship since 1993 ...
I've had fractures, breaks, sprains, strains and stitches

Do I like pain or look forward to it ? ............ No .......... That would be psycho

Pain is like seeing your ex and having an uncomfortable conversation with them in the mall .... You don't regret it necessarily ........... it just wasn't pleasant

I appreciate pain ........... Pain lets you know that you are alive.

This is your life ......... its ending one minute at a time .....and what have you got to show for it?..... what happy thoughts will you carry to your grave ?........ the weekends you washed your car ?.........or cleaned your house? or drank beer with people who really don't like you?

You don't get injured making macaroni soup ........ maybe burned, but not a full scale injury. You get injured by doing something exciting, by living life to the fullest...... and though it is NOT your goal TO GET INJURED ........... you enjoyed what you were doing when you were.

I just don't want to die without a few scars. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club,

Life Is ......

Life is 10% what happens to you .....
And 90% how you respond to it.

I just saw this quote on a wall downstairs....... Literally 2 minutes ago .....

And I thought ............ Hey maaaaaan, that is so fucking true ........
(I've incorporated curse words into my blogs)

Some would say some people are just unlucky in life .......... but as anyone who had a secondary school education would tell you .......... That's highly impossible.

You are as likely to have something randomly bad happen to you as ............ ANYBODY ELSE!!!

That's logical .......

But some people have continuously bad things happen to them ...... not so? ...... without a doubt?? Then how does this theory of equal negative probability correlate to some people having more bad things happen to them than others??

Quite simply put .......... Its because they suck!! lol

Everybody has shitty things happen to them ....... but some people are just shitty and their responses to life's unpredictabilities propagate further shittiness happening.
Life is a continuum ....... its not random isolated events. One thing literally leads to/affects another. The correlation is skewed due to causality of one event to another.

So if you have negative responses........... negative things will continue to occur

It all boils down to your disposition........... In the last 2 weeks, I've had my car flooded out by storm water, my wing mirror on my car got broken which i replaced for $200- to have the replacement break in my hands, I sprained ALL the ligaments in my left hand which limits my movements, and I've had uncomfortable conversations with my most recent ex while locking off the only other girl i was liming with (i wouldn't go so far as to call her a potential)

But am I unhappy? ..............

I don't think so ....... That's just life......

Shitty things happen ............ and some people just happen to be be shitty....
Future event all depend on how you respond to current ones

So get a life and stop whining !!! LOL

A Conversation With God ...

There He would be....

Sitting across from me on His long oak desk. Hanging on the wall behind Him, all His diplomas, on His mantle, a full scale replica of the Universe. He'd be looking sternly at all the reports that had just been handed to Him, shuffled in His chic leather organiser.

Then looking up at me under his thick white bushy brows, He'd slightly lean forward with his hands on the table. Like a massive cloud that looms to block out the sky His robes would seem to block the robust cashmere wall behind, where He hung all of His achievements. Impending Like a brewing storm in all His Greatness, He would ask:

"What is this?" and he'd flick His hand at the files that lay before Him,

"What is this Crap?!"
"Is This what you have done to improve the world? Is this the contribution you have made to ease pain and suffering??

And I would respond:

"But God! I made them pliable for You Oh Lord! .... I eliminated their need for materialistic possessions and meaningless distractions by depriving them of everything which truly did not matter."
"I weeded out their weak and their sick and I made the survivors so afraid that they looked to You for Salvation."
"I've build an empire for you, on the backs of the faithful."

"Have I not brought more followers to your alter than all your religious institutions combined?"

"Does not anything bring a man closer to God than Fear?"

And the Lord would say:

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!.......I don't approve of this way! ...... Didn't you realize that each of you is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness?"
" Can't you see that you are all manifestations of love?"

And I would look to God behind his desk, stopping the taking of notes on my small yellow steno pad, and would think to myself:

^A manifestation of love?? We were the slaves of the society we created .....we lived for the sake of living and died without accomplishment......What is this He is saying? HAVE I GOT THIS ALL WRONG!!? THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE !!^

"We are not special." I'd say "We are not mindless beings, either. We just are. We just are, and only what we have accomplished becomes our legacy.... specialness is a reward not a gift".

"No, that's not right!! That's not what I intended! ........
Where are you going?? Listen to Me!!"
God would exclaim as I rose from His plush leather chairs and headed to His massive carved Walnut doors.

"Oh Yeah God?! ....... Whatever!! ........"

You can't teach God nothing anyway!!

Rules ...

Rules ....... as they say ........ were meant to be broken ....

but not by everyone ........ and not all the time ..... and not all together ......

but broken none the less

It is the very essence of humanity to want to break rules ........ sometimes even, for no apparent reason

Not that i am one to be all biblical ........ but just look at the story of Adam and Eve .... the very "first" humans (according to some old Jewish fellas) ........

Adam and Eve ......... i don't believe in as actual people...... but rather as representatives of Humanity in a literary theological sense ........ ate an apple

They ate an Apple even after God ........ the Almighty Creator of the Universe God said "Don't eat that damn Apple" ......... Man, That's God right there ...... That ain't no bullshit .... its not your Mother, it ain't your Church, it ain't the Law ........ ITS GOD ........... THE ALMIGHTY GOD......

THE ALMIGHTY GOD said "Don't eat the apple!!" ...... and they ate it anyway

And why? ......... cuz a snake said "Hey maaaaan, you wanna get high? I got just the shit you need ......... apple maaaan ....... You take this shit and it'll take you to heeeaaaveeennnnn!!"

A fucking snake ....... and with no guarantees, no demonstration, not even a proof of purchase ....... They disobeyed GOD ....... ALMIGHTY GOD .....

And what did they get for it ........ some leafy underwear and a one way pass out of the Garden of Eden ..... But isn't that what life is all about ..... stretching the realities of what is possible or available ....... damning all consequences ....... I think this is what being human is all about

And also ......... they say Adam and Eve were without sin (original sin) before they were kicked out of the Garden ......... But to even contemplate eating the apple after GOD ........ ALMIGHTY GOD ........ said "Don't eat that damn apple!" ...... means that they already been born with sinful intentions ........ i.e. if the first humans were sinful ......... and they represented all humans ..... then all humans are sinful .......... theoretically ......... or at least inclined to sin

Now being a logical and good GOD who created these beings must have created them with a sinful intent purposefully and hence He knew we were inclined to break rules ..... for GOD makes no mistakes ........ (I won't go into the "He created us in his own image and likeness" bit before you religies have a fit).... He made us with sinful intents ..... but why?

Because sometimes you need to break a rule to overcome an obstacle....... sometimes you need to break some rules to get things done .... sometimes u need to break a rules just to see what would happen

if nothing broke rules we would never have evolved ...... muhahaha (creationism sucks!!)

So break a rule sometime ....... a small one ........... we don't want all out chaos after all ..... but break one none the less .... its your Human Right ..... LOL

The Life and Times ......... (Toilet Terror)

So I've had no inspiration for these blogs for quite along time ..... mainly because i try to stick to my genre of being off the wall and out of the ordinary .... and i could think of anything specific

But sometimes everyday life can be just as weird and interesting ....

So I'm starting my new series ........ The Life and Times of ZZMaDMan

All perfectly true stories about the ordinarily off the wall things that happen to me on a day to day basis .........

My First Story ........... Toilet Terror:

I'm what you might call a POP .......... a Particularly Observant Person (just made that up ;) thank u very much) ........

And i take pride in my POP abilities ........ (which may seem contradictory by the time u get to the end of this story)

I like to observe the little things that most people miss ........ it gives me a false sense of intellectual superiority ...... which albeit false is immensely satisfying.

"Oh you didn't notice that the 4th picture frame was tilted slightly to the left ?!..... ha ha ......I did!! " I would scoff mentally at the imbeciles who were so daft.

As i said ......... I take pride in my powers of observerance

Last week however ......... these abilities were tested to the max .....

I, generally being of human composition, found myself having to use the toilet facilities on a fair Friday afternoon....... in other words............ i had to buss a piss ...

I opened the grey, marble finished, laminated door of the MALE bathroom and entered. The door was unlocked ........... therefore someone was inside the bathroom already, as the door, i had observed, was always usually locked unless someone was inside

I entered. Immediately I noticed that something about this particular bathroom was different ......... the layout seemed reversed as compared to normal .....and the fresh scent of lilac air freshener greeted my olfactory senses ........ but i had never used this bathroom before and was accustomed to using the other male bathroom at the other end of the building ..... this bathroom was definitely different ...... i observed ...... but i proceeded anyway.

I entered the left stall ......... it was a toilet stall ......... as opposed to a urinal stall ....... The male bathrooms had both a toilet and urinal stall. Next door, in the urinal stall, i could hear the other occupant shuffling around. He was in the urinal stall of course because i was in the toilet stall ......... obviously.

I started my Piss ....... Next door i could here my neighbour unbuckling his pants ........ that was strange ..... as i had observed that he was in the urinal stall...... he was moving quite alot ...... for those of you who are not familiar with the processes of the male urinal utilisation i can break it down for you in 3 easy steps

Unzip, Flip, Drip............ you can work it out

This guy seemed to be rather complicating things with all this noisy unbuckling i observed ....
It seemed funny at the time ........... This guy must be fat or something ......... or disabled ....... i was curious ............ i was almost tempted to look over the barrier ......... it was already low .... all i had to do was tip toe ............ but that would break the male code of honour ...... Absolutely NO PEEKING ........... and it is a good thing i didn't too !!

so i finish up .......... i observe that this Fat Disabled man is still peeing ...... and i decide to wash my hands decidedly slowly to be able to further observe (maco) this strange Male phenomenon ........He is done........... he is cumbersomely re-buckling his pants .... the moment draws near ............. I look down to avert suspicion ..... my poise is positively uninterested .... but i am a viper waiting to strike an observing blow...........

And then i notice something ....... the key to the bathroom ....*buckling noises*...... laying so unassumingly on the counter ...*buckle buckle*....... the red bathroom key ......*buckle buckle buckle*....... but the bathroom key to male bathroom isn't red ...... none of them are - i had observed ......... hmmm ....*buckle buckle*....... the female key is red .....*buckle buckle*....... what is the female key doing in the male bathroom............ *buckle buckle ziiiiiip*..............they'd be out any minute now ......

OH SHIT I'M IN THE FEMALE BATHROOM !!!

(I had failed to observe that)

In an instant i had changed from stalking predator .......... to just stalker !!

Got to get out .............. Run !!

How could i be so unobservant !

Guess who's back with a rusty cutlass ...

Yawn ............ streeeeeeeetch .......... scratch scratch scratch

I have not been here in a while ! ................. in fact, when i opened up the web page i saw a small spider building a web in the corner of it (hows that for the world wide web)*

*(i know - very stale)

But what can i say, i've been running out of ideas- maybe........... i'm lazy, definitely ...... the list goes on and on

But after much encouragement (aka buffs) from my "devoted" (aka bored) fans
I am making an effort to return to the life of a rogue blogger

Yeah ............. forgive this poor excuse at entertainment

I got to go ........... Its 4:32 bitches ....................... hooooome time !!!