The Life and Times ......... (Toilet Terror)

So I've had no inspiration for these blogs for quite along time ..... mainly because i try to stick to my genre of being off the wall and out of the ordinary .... and i could think of anything specific

But sometimes everyday life can be just as weird and interesting ....

So I'm starting my new series ........ The Life and Times of ZZMaDMan

All perfectly true stories about the ordinarily off the wall things that happen to me on a day to day basis .........

My First Story ........... Toilet Terror:

I'm what you might call a POP .......... a Particularly Observant Person (just made that up ;) thank u very much) ........

And i take pride in my POP abilities ........ (which may seem contradictory by the time u get to the end of this story)

I like to observe the little things that most people miss ........ it gives me a false sense of intellectual superiority ...... which albeit false is immensely satisfying.

"Oh you didn't notice that the 4th picture frame was tilted slightly to the left ?!..... ha ha ......I did!! " I would scoff mentally at the imbeciles who were so daft.

As i said ......... I take pride in my powers of observerance

Last week however ......... these abilities were tested to the max .....

I, generally being of human composition, found myself having to use the toilet facilities on a fair Friday afternoon....... in other words............ i had to buss a piss ...

I opened the grey, marble finished, laminated door of the MALE bathroom and entered. The door was unlocked ........... therefore someone was inside the bathroom already, as the door, i had observed, was always usually locked unless someone was inside

I entered. Immediately I noticed that something about this particular bathroom was different ......... the layout seemed reversed as compared to normal .....and the fresh scent of lilac air freshener greeted my olfactory senses ........ but i had never used this bathroom before and was accustomed to using the other male bathroom at the other end of the building ..... this bathroom was definitely different ...... i observed ...... but i proceeded anyway.

I entered the left stall ......... it was a toilet stall ......... as opposed to a urinal stall ....... The male bathrooms had both a toilet and urinal stall. Next door, in the urinal stall, i could hear the other occupant shuffling around. He was in the urinal stall of course because i was in the toilet stall ......... obviously.

I started my Piss ....... Next door i could here my neighbour unbuckling his pants ........ that was strange ..... as i had observed that he was in the urinal stall...... he was moving quite alot ...... for those of you who are not familiar with the processes of the male urinal utilisation i can break it down for you in 3 easy steps

Unzip, Flip, Drip............ you can work it out

This guy seemed to be rather complicating things with all this noisy unbuckling i observed ....
It seemed funny at the time ........... This guy must be fat or something ......... or disabled ....... i was curious ............ i was almost tempted to look over the barrier ......... it was already low .... all i had to do was tip toe ............ but that would break the male code of honour ...... Absolutely NO PEEKING ........... and it is a good thing i didn't too !!

so i finish up .......... i observe that this Fat Disabled man is still peeing ...... and i decide to wash my hands decidedly slowly to be able to further observe (maco) this strange Male phenomenon ........He is done........... he is cumbersomely re-buckling his pants .... the moment draws near ............. I look down to avert suspicion ..... my poise is positively uninterested .... but i am a viper waiting to strike an observing blow...........

And then i notice something ....... the key to the bathroom ....*buckling noises*...... laying so unassumingly on the counter ...*buckle buckle*....... the red bathroom key ......*buckle buckle buckle*....... but the bathroom key to male bathroom isn't red ...... none of them are - i had observed ......... hmmm ....*buckle buckle*....... the female key is red .....*buckle buckle*....... what is the female key doing in the male bathroom............ *buckle buckle ziiiiiip*..............they'd be out any minute now ......

OH SHIT I'M IN THE FEMALE BATHROOM !!!

(I had failed to observe that)

In an instant i had changed from stalking predator .......... to just stalker !!

Got to get out .............. Run !!

How could i be so unobservant !