Crotch Rocket !!!

So the ZZMaDMan has a bike ....

And despite the fact that when he tells people this, they automatically think its a red tricycle with yellow tassels ..... its a real live motorbike ... a fully fledged war machine.

So The ZZMaDMan is riding his bike down the highway, winding between the lanes of never ending traffic, when he comes across a ball of meat. Now there is no other way that one could truly describe this thing other than "a ball of meat"

It was clearly of flesh based origin judging by its tone and general consistency, but as from what poor creature this "meat" was derived The ZZMadMan had no clear indication. All that could be said is that that was the largest, non-descript, sun-baked collection of dirt covered cadaver that the ZZMaMan has ever seen on the nations motorways.

Now, as you may have figured by now, the dynamics of running over obstacles with a 2 wheeler, are vastly different from that a four wheeler. And faced with either the potential prospects of "bussing a fall", or being splattered with Churchill-Roosevelt meat sauce, it was clear that a predicament arose.

Now just to remind you .... The ZZMadMan was between lanes in traffic..... there was a car to the right of the "meat" and a pickup to its left and the Meat was in the middle, on the white line, quickly approaching.

The ZZMadMan automatically went into evasive maneuvers mode.
His senses were tuned, his eyes went all squinty, and his reflexes went into overdrive.

Just then, traffic in the left lane started to move up, the pickup started to drive up; soon it would be just past this dead "moose" making a space between it and the car behind it.

An opportunity arose !!
The ZZMaDman had every intention of utilising it!

A plan was made!
He had to accelerate into the space fast enough to gain it, round the meat, and accelerate back out of the space just as the pickup passed the cadaver lest he be hit by the car behind.

His left hand disengaged the clutch, his left foot dropped the gear, his left hand re-engaged the clutch and he leaned hard to the right as his right hand wrung the throttle unleashing the roar of the beast !!

The space was gained, the meat was rounded ... now all that was left was the exit!!

Just then....... the pickup came to an abrupt stop.............. literally 2 feet between itself and that lump of cornbeef.

Shit !!!

His right hand quickly released the throttle, he leaned hard to the right to stabilize, and gripped hard on the break !!

Just then 2 things happened:
1) The tires screeched as they bit into the road, the bike rounded the solid crome bumper of that dastardly pickup ... the meat was missed completely

2) The ZZMadMan arms tensed to their full strength to stop him from shooting over the handle bars, his left leg flailed out wildly, and his right testicle shot up into his throat and told his Adam's apple:

"Wat's up buddy !!"

The ZZMaDMan found out intimately why they call a bike a Crotch Rocket !!

Now most guys know what it is like to have this experience... at least to some degree; But for the ladies ..... and men who who never played a sport or angered young children The ZZMadMan will attempt to explain this experience:

Imagine Euphoria..... Imagine immense joy and satisfaction ...Imagine that warm glow you feel when everything is right with ur life...

Now imagine the exact opposite... Imagine pain ... just pain ... nothing but pain ... in every fiber of your torso; rainclouds, dog shit, mouldy cheese and everything crappy in the entire world all at the same time.

A single tear came to the ZZMadMan's eye.

As the blinding white light subsided from The ZZMadMan's vision, he contemplated curling up on the side of the road in the fetal position. But judging this as un-manly he continued home; a tremble in his legs and cold sweat on his brow. The longest 5 km of his life.

But The Road Warrior Lives on ... Always vigilant of stray meat !