Moulin Rouge ...

So lately these days I’m fixing up the "Man-cave" and I wanted to add a touch of style to my apartment. I decide to put some of my interior finishings knowledge to good use given that I worked on a 5 star hotel and luxury apartment complex and use this knowledge to do some sprucing up on the house-to-be. (Notice I said interior finishings .... not interior design. Interior design just sounds too fruity).

The master plan was to add an accent wall to the living room ... an attention getter... but not to be too bright and cheery, because after all it is the Man-cave and I'm neither “bright” nor “cheery”. I go to the paint shop and choose a colour that I think would be good for my wall - "Moulin Rouge". On the colour card it looked like a suitable colour .... eye catching .... but yet broody ... like a French prostitutes lipstick - that's the thought that came to mind as I picked it out - Fiery, bold, seductive. But alas, the colour card seemed to have failed ...... because as I opened my bucket-o-paint I was surprised to find a strawberry milk shake colour in the tin........ "Arrrrgggghhhh ...... this is so gay" I thought ..... Not very man-cavish!

I decide to forge through with painting with my milk shake coloured paint and hope for the best. Due to my 'superior' knowledge of interior furnishing (not interior design!!) I knew that most water based paints dry darker than they look in the tin due to oxidation - (for all my fellow nerds). I must admit, I had very low expectations for the slightest degree of remote satisfaction - no amount of oxidation could bring this colour to a dark brooding red, I thought ... but hopefully the colour would be acceptably un-gay.

Much to my suprise .... the colour is "ok" ...... it is not as dark as I would have liked ...... but it is acceptable. It came out more of a bright cherry cheerleader colour than the dark, chain smoking whore colour I wanted ..... More pigtails than cocktails ... But at least my tentacles are still in tact.

P.S. ........Living alone and appearing gay is the antithesis of what any 25 year old male home owner desires. Its counter productive and not reproductive.

Change

Yes yes yes its been a while,
but I got a whole new rhythm and a whole new style,
been through alot, maybe way too much,
time to paint a new picture with a brand new brush,
been laughing and loving, and crying and hurting,
but i have to start over with a brand new yearning,

life is pain and pain is life,
hurt to learn,
to get over strife you have to burn,
burn connections, intersections, rejections,
to change the man in the mirror you can't just destroy the reflection.
You have to destroy everything, the man and the mirror without objection.

If a man is a some of his experience, he is his past
and as long as those experiences last,
he is who he used to be.
unless he forgets,
forgets all the hurt and the pain and the regrets,
and just be,
I hope that can be me.

The grass is always greener ...

I miss my old job,
I miss the freedom and boredom of office work,
I miss bumming around the office, and finding things to entertain myself

I suppose its good I’m actually working
Serious work, with serious people on a serious construction site
But I do miss doing playing the fool and doing pranks and scaring people.

Today I scared a construction worker .. just for old time sake
He cuffed me in my face
... Its just not the same

Lazy Weasels ...

We live in a world that being intelligent doesn't really amout for anything...
No-one gets rewarded for intelligence ... not true intelligence anyway

We get rewarded for certification (Degrees, diplomas and the like) that can be easily attained provided you have the ability to memorize and regurgitate, the ability to kiss ass and the ability ruthlessly hack down our peers

I don't know how it is in the rest of the world, but ideas are dangerous things in Trinidad.
Thought upsets order, it disrupts the hierachy of people that weaseled their way to the top.
A good idea is not a good idea unless it has come from the fattest laziest weasel that sits at the top.

Where have all the smart people gone ??
Maybe they are just buried under a tonne load of work ... because at the end of the day SOMEONE does have to do the work ... especially when its passed down and around from the lazy weasels.

Peas in a Pod

To peas in a pod the world is green...

Sometimes when we find ourselves consumed by a situation, we can only see the aspects of it relevant to ourselves.
We only think about what has happened or is happening to us, and cannot review a situation objectively.
We cannot see the multifaceted colours outside of our own little shell.

We can't be wrong, how could we be. Its obvious !!
The writing is on the wall ... this green wall ... because green is the only colour !
Oh how naive we can be sitting in our little pods.
Thinking that the world is one way because thats how we see it.

Step into the world little pea ... step into the light ... for peas that stay in their pods whither and die.

Waiting on Me

Somewhere out there, someone is waiting
... On me ... hoping for my company

but I'm content to be bored ... at home ... alone

Hello Human ...

Hello human ... what are you doing up there on that table ... anyway it doesn't matter ...look at me !
Maybe just a little nudge with me head ... a little nip at the ankle maybe ...
Ah yesssss ! ... I have your attention ...

Now rub behind my ears .... ah yes... good boy, good boy ...
Now I will just lie on my back here ... Rub my tummy human rub it ... yes yess ... you know you like it! You know you like it... your such a good boy, such a good boy!

Ah ah ah ah ah ... ok ok ... that's enough ... I said enough ... Damn it, don't make me slap you again ... You humans and ur inseccent need for attention...

Ok I've wasted enough time playing with you ... Make with the cat chips ... I'm starving ...
Oh come on !! Do I have to spell this out for you?! ... Ok ok, I'm looking at the bowl... now I'm looking at you ...... looooooking at the bowl .... Looooking at you... Now I'm looking at the food bag ...... loooking at you .... looking at the bowl. Food, bowl, you .... food, bowl, you ... What do I keep you around for ? Your so slow ... To think I wasted all that time rolling around on the ground to still have to explain this ... I need to train you better than this

Ahhhh ... finallllllyyyyy !!! You're getting it .....

I swear to God if I only had opposable thumbs, I would have kicked you out on the street years ago.

......................................................
*The Egocentric Thoughts of Mr. Whiskers*

Cry Face ...

So yesterday as I reach home and get out the car I see one of my neighbours kids playing in their back porch across the road. She is totally oblivious to my arrival, swinging a broomstick at a tree that overhung into her yard.

She is talking to herself and swinging the broomstick around and around ... totally engaged in whatever childhood fantasy she was having.

I decide to sneak up on her.

As I get closer and closer with ninja like stealth, I hear her counting: "Oonnee... Twoooo... Tweeee... "
At that point I grab the broomstick and say "FOOOUUUR !!"

Needless to say - she froze ...looked up ... and immediately put on her cry-face ...
And I shed tears of laughter ...

By that time she realised it was me ... and she started to laugh too [she didn't actually cry btw]
But her face was hilarious ... it was the classic little children's cry face ... mouth wide open and everything ...

After she started laughing as well and I was sure she wasn't traumatised I bid her farewell...
My job of being a menace to society completed for the day, I went home satisfied.

Dead Body ...

Imagine that you have a friend ..... and they died ...and you knew they were dead
but this friend also had Facebook .....

and nobody closed the account after they died ...

And suppose you found their profile a couple years after they were gone ........ wouldn't that be really creepy ...

You might even write on their wall: "Hey man .... thought u were dead ... holla ..."
letting all their friends see the message ... and making them wonder ..

Mannn .... If I did that my mother would be pissed ... growing up she always told us never to Poke a dead body :)

Superman

So I walk into this kids store looking to get something for my little cousin Harold ...
I find this really cool Superman Jersey ..... It has a Velcro attached cape, a rubber raised Superman symbol and everything .... Its the coolest Superman Jersey I have EVER seen !!

but the one on display is way too small .....

I ask the store clerk "Excuse me. Do you have any bigger sizes?"
She says "No. This is the biggest one."

..... I felt so disappointed ....
Every time I find a really cool Superman Jersey they never have my size...

Anyway .... back to shopping for "Whats-his-face" ...

Just a silly whim on a Friday afternoon ...

Quietly I stalked the hallways ........ a piece of masking tape anchored my nose upward toward my forehead ... I walked quickly and silently behind my intended victim.

The victim, "M" - an older lady .......... a secretary from the office .... was fleeing quickly from the building hoping to escape the into the afternoon
I tailed her ..... cautiously ... just close enough to strike but, also , just barely out of sight .... I chose my angles well ..... staying just one deck above hers on the rectangular spiraling staircase

Down, down, down ............ flight after flight ..... silently ...........

Just as she entered onto her last long fight of stairs before the lowest deck, i let out a low growl ..... It was quiet .... but reverberated in the high stair well

It was loud enough just to sink into the subconscious ..... but not loud enough to be paid any attention to ........... The guard heard it and slowly looked up investigatively .....
I pulled quickly into the wall to avoid her gaze !! .... but kept moving hugging the wall .....

"M" ....... kept on going ... almost obliviously ............ she had reached the lowest deck .... 3 steps separated her from the ground floor ...... Now was my time to strike !!!

Stealthily i rushed to the opposite higher deck just one floor above her ....... we were now facing each other ... except i was just higher ....The position was strategic .... i was directly over the guard so she would not see my heinous crime ......

Now i released another growl ......... louder and more menacing , as crouched over, baring my teeth and frowning .... making my masking taped nose look even more contorted and abnormal.

She looked up quickly ........ and bawled "Oh Gadoy !!"
She cowered back and braced herself against the wall, her hefty purse pulled defensively up to her chest .....

Her fear was evident ...... and so was my amusement ....
As she leaned on her wall ...... I leaned on mine .... but our rationale for these actions were worlds apart ...... tears ran from my eyes as I tried to contain my laughter ... a blob of drool seeped into my shirt sleeve ... it was Hilarious ....

"You little fool ..... Yuh schupid eh !!" ..... she exclaimed as she now became aware of my parody on her senses .... A smile gradually came to her face ..... "Let me see you little boy .... let me see what you did to your face" she exclaimed ...

But Alas the trick was not over ..... I quickly removed the interconnecting tape between my nose and forehead and faced her ....

"Oh gosh ......... How yuh do dat ?!?! ........... how yuh get yuh nose to turn up so eh ?!?" ....

My sides once again spilt with laughter as I vanished like a phantom into the elevator ..... Faintly hearing "M" recount the story to the guard below .... until the elevator door closed drowning out their whispers.

I had no reason for my action .... It was just a silly whim on a Friday afternoon ...

Why ? ...

Why am I here?
Why am I aimlessly looking at these stark blank walls of this stark blank cubicle ?
Why am I writing this blog ?
Why haven't I written blogs in such a long while?

Why does everything that has no clear direction seem pointless?
Why does society only value things that which has clear specific outcomes and goals?
Why do the things we do between "meaning full " tasks seem unsatisfying and not worth doing?
Why does anything done without a specific outcome or goal leave one unsatisfied when completed?

Why do I think my blogs should "touch" people
Why do I care?
Why does everything have to have a purpose ?
Why isnt it that just BEING is enough to be happy?
Why is it that Human BEINGS should be Human DOINGS?
Why is "boredom" atributed to unhappiness ?

Why does a dog lick his balls?
Why do we care ?
Why do we look for a point in a random set of spontaneous arbitrary questions?
Why does everything have to have a meaning ?

Why does everything have to have an ending ? ..............

















Why are you still reading this blog ??

Burnt Bridges

As I look back across my field of dreams,
I see endless bridges broken
And though each lost pasture looks lush and green,
They are only but a token,
Of things that were, or could have been,
But from dreams which I have awoken.

Jason A.

Lost in Translation ...

"Popularly to say, stainless steel is the steel that is the steel that is not ease to rustiness. In fact, parts of stainless steel not only have the capability to be stainless but also have the capability of corrosion resistance. Because there is rich chrome oxide film on the surface of the steel, the stainless steel has the performance of the stainlessness and corrosion resistance, the performance of the stainlessness and corrosion resistance is relative, the test indicate that in the weak mediator such as water and atmosphere and in the oxidizability mediator the performance of corrosion resistance for the stainless steel will be improved when the moisture content in the chrome increase, when the content of chrome reaches to a certainty percentage, the performance of corrosion of the steel will be mutation, that is to change from rustiness easily to not -rustiness hardly, from not-corrosion-resistant to corrosion-resistant."

An actual document I got at work translated from chinese ...
Popularly to say I stained my pants laughing when I read it ...

The Earl of Sandwich

I think Jesus was the inventor of the sandwich. Feeding a multitude with 5 loaves and 2 fishes.

Ah who say tuna sandwiches !!

**********************************************

I wonder if Jesus also invented mayonnaise ...

Sigh .... I have way too much time on my hands

Youth

Sometimes when I see a youth I think I want one .... but its not something I'm willing to committ to ... and these thoughts a fleeting at best ...

But I like kids ....... not really for the whole parenting aspect .... I like kids because at the end of the day .... I am a big kid ...

And kids seem to like me too... and at least with them you know its genuine ... as oppossed to the big ppl

I also like kids because they have really cool toys .... and I could play with their stuff in smart lol

Pissing on the Net ...

Writing blogs/notes/posts on the internet is like walking up to a building and peeing on its shiny pristine laminated blue glass facade.

That'll show those bastards !!...

What you fail to realize though however, is that the glass is 2 way and there's a staff meeting going on inside ... :-S

Why We Ride ...

So I'm checking out a new bike at the local bike depot (a place where ppl buy and sell used bikes) and something caught my attention. A bike, It was in good condition, had a good paint job, a clean sounding rumble and was just the right weight.

Running my hand down its smooth cut sides I ask the dealer "Has it ever fallen?" .

With a face full of utter scorn and a look that said "amateur" he said some of the most profound words I've heard in my life:
"Of course it has fallen !!" he said as he curled his lip "It has 2 wheels, it must fall !!" ...
"But that is why we ride .... to TRY not to fall ..... To master the machine, that is the challenge ... that's what gives this purpose."

and I looked at him, a scruffy bike riding mechanic, spouting out words of wisdom and said "SOLD !!"
I was enlightened ...

Drafts ....

Yes i know i haven't been writing much ...

But i have six drafts , a three scribbles on bits of paper .

So keep tuned !!!

The Friendship Zone ...

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a gap as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the fortified wall that no man can ever enter into, despite his crazed impulsion to keep trying.

It is the middle ground between a relationship and a friendship, between logic and confusion. It lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of all his knowledge. This is the dimension of ultimate futility, where up is down, left is right and light is darkness.

It is an area which we call "The Friendship Zone".

NEE-NOO NEE-NOO NEE-NOO NEE-NOO

Yeah, I guess we've all been there haven't we. That weird place where one person has feelings for another ...... and the other has feelings for them too ...... but not "In That Way ..... "

...... its too "complicated"

But despite all of this it is impossible for them to let go of each other ....... to turn their backs ..... to walk away

If this has happened or is happening to you , just know that you have just entered into "The Friendship Zone"

NEE-NOO NE-NOO NEE-NOO NEE-NOO

No-one quite ever knows how exactly they have entered into the Friendship Zone. Its walls are invisible, and quite unnoticeable. However once the Friendship Zone Bubble has wrapped itself around you, it is an impenetrable surface you can never leave.

The reasons for slipping into the Friendship Zone can be anything.
Be too nice, or not nice enough -> FRIENDSHIP ZONE !
Be too agressive or not agressive enough -> FRIENSHIP ZONE !
Be too emotional, or not emotional enough -> FRIENDSHIP ZONE !

The reasons are vast and many .....

The Friendship Zone is a warped world with unseen rules and boundries, it is the Labyrinth of all Human Relationships.

Avoid the Friendship Zone at all costs it is too complicated ...

To use a football analogy :
A person in the frienship zone is like a footballer with on one yellow card ... He's still trying to score ...... but he doesnt want to get ejected from the game !

Flames to Dust ....

Flames to Dust ...

Lovers to friends ...... why must all good things come to an end ..end.

Come to an end end, come to and end end . Why must they come to an end ...

Sorry ..... I was singing and typing

(this post has no purpose)

Fly-trap ...

On my street there is a park

At one point the park was filled with children ... but over the years, due to lack of maintenance, it had gradually become more and more run-down ...

The swing-sets became rusty, the slide had broken and the grass grew tall and uncontrolled ...

Over time, the park became a haven for vagrants, drug-dealers, prostitutes and pedophiles ...
A harmful environment for children

Recently the Tunapuna Regional Corporation came in and started fixing it up ...
They put in new swing-sets and other equipment, and they cut the grass ...

Today as I passed on my way home I saw that the park was now over run with children .... all joyous, running and playing

Way to go Tunapuna Regional Corporation !! ........... Way to put honey on a fly-trap ...

Pastor Madman ...

A woman called today asking to speak to my dead father ...

Not knowing who she was or why she was calling ... i requested that she tell me what she wanted to speak to my father about.

She said she was looking for a man of my fathers name who used to be a preacher in Boug Malatris and she saw the name in the phone book...

I politely told her that she was mistaken .... (I have no knowledge of my father ever being in a church other than the day of his funeral)

Now it just so happens:

1. That my family has 2 phone lines


2. That the both of them are still listed under my fathers name in the phone book


3. That the number she called precedes the other number

As was predicted ..... my other phone line soon rang

" Hello, Keith Farrell speaking ... May the love of Christ guide and protect you ..."
I answered ....

It was my mother.................. she was not amused ......

Mr. January ...

Guess what ? My Company XYZ wants to have me as the feature person on the company news letter this month ..... Ha ! .....so they send me an Email asking some personal questions.

Never one to disappoint, hear are my actual answers:

ZZ Reply email to communications department: "I don’t mind if you don’t use everything …. Just please don’t change anything"

Questions:

First, a bit of personal information:

1. Name? Jason A. Farrell
2. Favourite food? Cheese
3. Favourite place to be? Home
4. Hobbies? Reading stuff
5. Favourite colour? Black
6. Personal credo? “Life is too short to care …”

Now, U-News would like to learn more about you professionally:

1. Job title? How long have you been employed at XYX?: 1 year, 7 months, 10 days, 7 hrs and4 minutes ……… and counting …
2. What are some of your duties in your position at XYX? I secure XYX’s best interests on projects by applying my technical training in civil engineering to situations arising within the projects where I am posted. My aim is thus try to produce clear and accurate information with the intent of informing the relevant parties within the organization in order to facilitate XYX’s decision making processes. (Had to make this look good for obvious reasons)
3. Most fun memory at XYX? None in particular … Working at XYX is hilarious everyday
4. How do you hope to contribute to the XYX team? By doing my job in and efficient and productive manner with the intent of benefiting the citizens of the great country of Trinidad and Tobago.
5. What have you learned thus far from XYX? Don’t trust anyone

Hopefully they'll never ask for another interview .... EVER

Rockstar ...

I want to be a big rockstar ...

That was my dream once
Then I realized I couldn't sing or play any instruments ....so that idea quickly crashed and burned

I decided that I'd live like a rockstar though

I'm a rockstar in my head ........

actually .......... I'm a pornstar

They'd call me Mr BoJangles

Yes ........ I know ...... I am one of the randomest ppl you will ever meet

(Based on an actual conversation)

2008

So another year has begun ... and once again I have no resolutions for the new year
(I don't believe in lying to myself)

I have goals ... one is to be less fat ... maybe even fit (but that was my December 26th resolution)

My goals are not dependent on the rotation of the sun, just things I think I need to do. (Like get back fit)

As for my goals with my blog .... I am going to try to make them a lil more personal
- If you read one of my first blogs, I said that was why I was blogging (A Blog about Blogging)- But I guess over time I have started writing to my audience rather than about myself.

So here's to a new year .... I wish you plebs all the best

May there be Champagne for my real friends ..... and Real-pain for my Sham friends

Happy New Year !!!