What Would Happen If ......

4 tiny little words that usually get me into so much trouble .........

I don't know whats wrong with me ......... I think its because i'm inquisitive ..... and bored ... and partially destructive .......... actually very destructive. But whatever it is its not a good combination.

and the problem is i don't limit my inquisio-bordo-destuctotivety to my own personal possessions ..... Oh No !! .......... now i've gone corporate .....

I try stuff ........ to see what would happen
I switch components, jam switches, pry things off and press buttons ..... which usually results in loud beeping noises, sparks, buzzing, pinking, missing program files, failures to reboot and all other sorts of other mechanical, electronic and software failures .....

This is usually followed by a quick wiping of finger prints and a hasty retreat .....

So if something is not working and u can't understand why ......... don't worry that u may have gremlins ..... for The ZZMadman may have been there and wondered .........

What Would Happen If .....

*** bzzzzzzzzt ***

An Ode to Myself .....

Out my window ……... I see a door...
Outside that door ……… I see the floor ...
On that floor a see a chair ……… and on that chair I see a stair ...
Up that stair I see a door ……… and out that door I see a window ..

Out that window ……… I SEE MYSELF !!

WTF ?? ………… who has been re-arranging my mirrors ??

(It was the guy in the window)

Dial M for Cricket ....

In one of my previous blogs Stress Kills .... i had most wrongfully speculated that the Pakistani coach for the 2007 ICC Cricket world cup had died due to a heart attack after losing to Ireland ...... an underdog team.

From which i wrote a blog about stress not being an acceptable way to die etc etc.

Well it was subsequently found that the coach had been murdered ..... GASP !! ...yes murdered
Most likely due to strangulation ......... hmph ......... strangulation over a cricket match ....... an acceptable way to die ..... i guess .......... but not an acceptable reason to kill someone over!!

Strangulation is such an intimate way to kill somebody ...... Staring into their eyes, hearing their broken breath, feeling their pulse pressed firmly against your ever tightening grip ..... ever so slowly fading ........... Its the missionary position of murder ....

You have to really, REALLY want someone dead to commit such an act

Its not the flash of a bullet ....... its not the anarchy of a knife attack ........... its patience
Cold premeditated patience ...... at any point you could stop and the person could be revived .... this is no accident of rage
They waited for that light to fade out of his eyes ... as they stared into them .......... a whole 3 minutes ....... at least (to kill a human) .... Do you know how long 3 minutes is when u have adrenalin flowing through your veins ?? A 100 meter race lasts 10 seconds. 3 minutes of murder ....180 seconds .... that has to be hate in its truest form. AND FOR CRICKET ??

not acceptable
Life isn't that serious .........

maybe if someone ate your last slice of cake ........ maybe

The ZZMadMan likes cake .....

(My Condolences Pakistani coach ...... May you enjoy all the cake in ..... wherever...)

Hello My Name Is MadMan .....I'm a TV Addict

Damn you FLOW !!!

Damn you from the deepest darkest firey pits of Sheol !!

My Cable has been out for more than 2 whole weeks now ............ A whole 423 hrs 58 mins and 35 seconds. That is ridiculous !!!

I'm starving here without my delicious brain-rot.
Flow has ripped the one thing that i have held most precious to me ever since i opened my eyes and beheld that magnificent glowing rectangle in my living room. So enchanting it was- cartoons, game shows, animals eating other animals and pockets of other peoples lives all packaged into neat convenient time slots. How could i resist. It was so enticing- those coaxial wires like needles directly into my central nervous system ........ i was addicted.

And now Flow the "new" cable company (or rather newly repainted cable company), due to their "upgrades" have wrenched away what i considered so dear .... they have kidnapped my best friend .... my mentor ..... my surrogate parent who's teet i have suckled for oh so satisfying, mind numbing information. How would i know what to wear, how would i know what to eat without you Oh Television ?!

And to make matters worse...... i was addicted to the local blend TV as it was, when CCTT .... the then cable company, came to me much like a cocaine dealer, and offered me a higher grade of product. Being the junky that i was, i accepted of course ...... selling my soul for the tube.

Now that they have yanked the preciousss, (i can't even get local) i find myself often sobbing, huddled in a corner, knees to my chest. I am like a piper, skulking around peoples houses trying to steal a feed. So many family members have received my vists in the last few days anytime i needed a fix.

I have tried to find a replacement for my cable deficiency, a rehab if you will - reading, exercise, and the ever eternal internet - the patch for a TV Addict...... but its just not the same. My life is like unsweetened mauby, decaffeinated coffee , or even non alcoholic beer...... Just bitter brown water.

And while my IQ has increased threefold since the advent of the absence of television ....... i still miss all the pretty colours.

Please Flow .... please return my cable .....

P.S. ...... I suggest you return my cable soon ......... my new internet site of interest is www.molotovcocktail.org ........

Hey !! Its intellectual ..... I'm not a terrorist ..... Or Am I ?? @:-{



.

Stress Kills

Today The ZZMadMan was listening to the radio and heard that the Pakistan cricket coach died in his room (i assume from a heart attack).

Pakistan had just been delivered a crushing defead in the ICC cup, by Ireland, an underdog team that was never in any major cricket tournament. Pakistan's team has been frought with disaster from doping scandals to now being knocked out of the biggest one day tournament by a team that no one has ever heard of.

After hearing this i thought to myself, "WOW !! ........ Stress is really a bitch yes!!"

The ZZMadMan could never see himself dying like that ........ apart from the fact that he is immortal , dying from stress is not a cool way to die. Maybe at the tip of an enemy's spear (Provided that there WAS one great enough to conquer The ZZMadMan, a Supreme Overlord) ...... but stress is not an acceptable way to die.

For 1 ....... The ZZMadMan will always succeed ... and hence never be stressed

and for 2 ...... in the extremely unlikely event that he wasn't successful (most likely due to his bumbling hench men who would soon be expeditiously executed) ........ Losing is not that serious.

Life is a continuum ......... no matter how shitty things are at this moment ....... it is not the end of the world (Unless of course it ACTUALLY IS the end of the world - 2012). Life goes on, things get better ........ try and enjoy ur loses and mistakes as much as your wins ...... for they are lessons. Or walk away from bad situations ....... take a vacation. Trust me, a short vacation is 1000 times better than a permanent one.

Even if not a physical vacation ........ take a mental one .......
They give us enough time to think and reflect ........ enough time to relax and achieve peace of mind ........ and most importantly ...

They give us enough time to recover, enough time to torment and irritate those who have stressed us, and enough time to execute REVENGE !!! ........ MUHAHAHAHA

Infinity and Beyond

Ok........ a semi-seriousish blog ......... i wish i had the piano effect from the Red96.7 morning show to play during the blog lol

I've been thinking alot about life these days life ..... life and religion ..... all aspects and all facets

with the greater focuss being on life .....
and apart from coming to the grand conclusion that it generally sucks, i have a new appreciation for my blog

very simply a blog is like ur innermost thoughts, it is not pretend, it is not a facade, you can't fake this

And while the stories themselves may not detail ur history, may be exaggerated, or even totally untrue, the ideas that have coined these random sparks of creativity are indeed the very core of your being ....the essence of what makes you you .... on the internet .......for anyone to read ....... a story that will last for infinity or beyond ..... or at least until the internet is destroyed in apocolyptic doom ........ ur story told forever

Your blogs are the digital DNA print out of yourself ........
so many times throughout history individuals' stories have been altered and refurbished by others interpretation ....... maybe Hitler was a really cool guy ..... maybe he told funny jokes ........ or maybe he ate children ....... who knows

But here is your story, unalterred ........... the Gospel of ZZMadMan written by ZZMadman

If only our great spritual and social leaders had this opportunity

Jesus Saves .............. but he couldn't save on floppy disk :)

An essay about A.D.D.

I think i have A.D.D. (no this has nothing to do with maths)

Attention Deficit Disorder

I can never pay attention to anything ......... i have so many things that i wanted to write about this week but i keep putting them off because i start writing about one thing and then i start thinking about something else .... and i forget where i was.

I don't know what wrong with me. I don't know if its a focussing problem or a memory problem. I wish i had the memory of an elephant. Elephants are big creatures, i wish i were an elephant. Just roaming over the African plains as free as a bird. Soaring through the skies and over the sea. Who came up with that saying anyway ...... "As free as a bird" ..... i'm sure the chickens that end up as KFC certainly don't think they are free.

KFC is delicious ...... I could do with some KFC right about now. But not too much because its very fattening. People hardly take care of their health anymore. One should always be aware of the bacteria that is around you.

And that is why you should always was your hands before you eat.

THE END

My Son Lucy

If i had a son ......

And anyone asked me my son's name,

............I would say it was Lucy..........

"Why Lucy?" , they would say "That's an awefully weird name for a boy!!"

"Oh?" ..... i would say "Its short for Lucifer" .......... and i would smile my smile and walk away as they watched in horror

That will teach them from bothering me and MadMan Jr. at the mall !!!
Of course i won't REALLY name him that ...... But my boy will not be coochie-coochie-cooed

learn well, son ........ learn well .......

It Wasn't Me ......

Once upon a time .....
Long Loooong ago, The ZZMadman had a lowly position as the royale box boy in a mighty Financial Palace.

One day, while riding the Royale Elevator with his Nemesis, Pauline, the magic beans that the ZZMadman was tricked into eating for lunch erupted from his bowels into a violent and noisy gaseous emmission.

Embarrassed, The ZZMadman had to think quickly, He couldn't let the most annoying Pauline trump him.

So without hesitation The ZZMaDMan said "That's disgusting Pauline" ........... with a most serious look upon his face
(Mind you, that the ZZMadman and The Pauline were the ONLY 2 ppl in the elevator)

This is what ensued:

P: "No i didn't"

ZZ: "Whatever, you would think that you would have enough manners to say excuse me instead of denying it wouldn't you" (all said with a perfectly executed, dead serious straight face)

P: "Oh my God!! ........ what are u talking about!"

ZZ: "Your so childish, its absurd!!......... You would think that you would have some broughtupsey"

P: "I can't take this........ i getting off the elevator ......... i'll walk the rest of the way "

ZZ: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA .............. (after she left)

Obviously she knew it was The ZZMadMan ....... and The ZZMadMan knew it was The ZZMadMan .....

But at the end of the day, she focussed more on the fact that The ZZMadMan was an asshole rather than that he was disgusting

And that was acceptable .........

For as an aspiring Evil Overlord ....... it is much better to be hated than to be mocked


(An exerpt from the ZZMadman's new Childrens' Book : "Strangers Have the Best Candy")

I am an Outerllectual

First of all, i would like to apologize to all you demented creatures out there that have come to apprecriate my warped sense of humor and actually have nothing better to do than read my blog. I have had a bit of a writers block, and I know your lives have regressed into boredom without my twisted Ramblings of a Madman.

So on to our show:

Most people (that i know at any rate), be it justifiably so.... or not .... consider themselves as intellectuals. And i do say most people thinks so, because if The ZZmadman was to approach them and say...... "Hey you there, with the yellow hat ....... are you an intellectual" ....... they would say "Yes, Sir........ i am ........ do u like my yellow hat?".

An intellectual is a person who uses his or her intellect to work, study, reflect, speculate on, or ask and answer questions with regard to a variety of different ideas.


The ZZMadMan is more of an Outerllectual,

He doesn't use his intellect to work (clearly by the number of posts posted on this post), study (HA), reflect (Unless it is in a mirror) or speculate on anything.

He uses his Intellect to say the the things that everybody thinks, but are politically incorrect to say

The ZZMadman, the intellectual rebel, the guy that is throwing stones at glass houses, a rider of the bad-lands of the mental landscape, thinking outside the box, going to the extremes of percieved realities and bringing back goodies from his metal adventures to share with the calm and serene world. A Columbus, or a Marco Polo, in his own right, searching for new spices at the edges of human experience.


I am not politically correct, sympathetic, or remotely kind
I am The ZZMadman
I am an Outerllectual


P.S. I am also very bored ...... Do you like my yellow hat ? :)

An Ode to My EX

I see her there. Just lazily draped over the edge of my bed, a mere crease denoting a smile ....... So unassuming, yet so mockingly.

"You cast me aside to try on many others, you put me below your pile ....and yet ..... i've waited on you," i could almost hear her say ...."And look at what you have become without me - So Lazy, and Idle and Fat ....... you don't even deserve to own me the way you do".

I could feel the shame running through me ........ i had neglected her...... i had cast her aside ..... i hadn't made the time to be with her. Something had always come between us, my job, the limes I had to go to, my own personal projects and even ... other "loves".

We were always closest after Christmas and more so coming up to Carnival, but even that time too i had neglected to be with her.

And now i regretted it ......... I was always in my best form when i was with her ..... She sculpted me into the man i was ...She gave me STRENGTH ....and i had the STAMINA to stick to my resolve.... men envied me and the ladies cast me their more-than-just-noticing glances ......

But not now without her...

I have no drive ... I am a thick shadow of the man i was ... I have begun to get soft
And though i cast her aside for other "more important" things ........... i still have fond memories of the times we shared together
watching the sun rise together, or our moonlit walks .......... the way she kept me WARM .... or the way i could just tug at her and she'd tighten around me

Anytime i ran away, she would RUN with me ......

And there now she sits .................. mocking what i have become ....... but yet still so invitingly ...
Practically begging me to slide into her ......... and let her wrap her legs around mine.

I want so badly to feel her inner-lining again ....... but i don't know if i can commit to the relationship that we once shared ... I have no time

But i will try for you......

MY EX ................. MY EXERCISE ........... MY EXERCISE TRACKPANTS

But .... not now, i'm in a hurry ........ maybe this afternoon .......... or even tommorrow ........ or even tentatively tuesday