Yesterday i felt a feeling i don't usually ever feel ................ and have not felt in a long time..... i would say never ......... but i don't want to be pretentious.
That feeling: JEALOUSY .....
And i don't know why ......... it's such an alien experience to me that i felt compelled to write about it.
It all started about 2 weeks ago ....... my company "XYZ" had been made an offer to send one of its employees to China to do a training course for 3 months. Only one person could have gone, and that person would be sent to China in only 2 weeks after the time that the offer was put forth. The company took 2 week to process the paper work .........being the retarded company that "XYZ" is .... so it had come to a situation where whoever they sent needed to be (by my estimation) a person that :
- Would be a valuable asset for the company to train for its future expansion (ie. they can't send a ditz)
- Is not essential to the continued operation of the company (has to be someone junior in the company)
- Has to be able to leave at the drop of a hat for 3 months (no children, spouses, rent to pay etc. - ie. has to be young and have a passport)
Based on my well processed calculations, this narrowed the field to 3 individuals - myself and 2 other girls. Now i never had any high hopes, or expectations that they'd choose me, let me just put that out their first.... i honestly thought that after the first week passed and no-one was informed that they would not be sending anyone. I let my guard down..... Yesterday one of the girls got called for an interview to go ...... wha ? Just so .... it's not even to say they interviewed us all and chose one ......... they just chose one ....... ouch.
I have nothing against the girl eh, doh get me wrong, she is a real cool person, a good friend and i'm glad for her ....... and I don't mind losing ....... i just like to know why i have lost in any given situation. What was it that eliminated me ? ..... i don't know ........ its haunting me ....... not the not going ........ but the not knowing .......
Between me and the chosen girl we had the least amount of difference (As opposed to the 3rd girl) ..... we are more or less on the same level ........ do the same job ....... same supervisor..... same work experience etc. ........... so what was the difference ?
I had hoped that given the sudden uprootment of life to go to the unknown in unpredictable circumstances in such a short period of time and having to rough it for 3 months, that my "manvantage" -the advantage of being male- would come into consideration. Me being a rough it specialist. But alas it was not meant to be ....... the "manvantage" has been totally obliterated by women of the 21st century. Woman Power !!
So salt for me ......... Maybe i'm just too competitive !! ........ Oh well ......... At least there is always Chinese food !!
"Wilberforce !! Order me some dinsum"
PS: though u may never see this, good luck in china my office buddy !!
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