A Notice from the ZZMaDMan

To the readers of the ZZMaDMan's blog:

From now on The ZZMaDMan, will refer to himself as - "The ZZMaDMan" , as the ZZMaDMan has arisen to a higher level of thinking that has allowed The ZZMaDMan to refer to himself as himself. This will also help the readers of The ZZMaDMan's posting to differentiate The ZZMaDMan's posts on this blog from the ZZMaDMan's alter ego who also posts his posts on this post, and who will remain nameless in this post that The ZZMaDMan is posting. The ZZMaDMan' alter ego may or may not be revealed at a later date on another post , post-to this post that is now being posted ..... maybe. The ZZMaDMan would just like to make this clear to the readers of the blog that the ZZMaDman is blogging, so that when he posts his posts on the posting it is not mixed up with the posts of his alter ego's post on this posting ............. so that there is no confusion.

The ZZMaDMan thanks you for your time and for your consideration.

Tip of The Day:

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip:
Add a slice of lemon to each jar (to keep the freshness).

[Jack Handy]

Infection....

Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky......... you can die from someone else's misery- emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate often draw misfortune onto themselves; they will also draw it to you. Associate with the happy and the fortunate instead.
[One of my favourite quotes]

Also ............. never lean too far back on an office chair with wheels........
This will precipitate the bussing of one's ass.

No but seriously............ some people are just "bummy" ........ and i don't mean bummy due to something , everyone is entitled to their sad or down moments.

I'm not talking about those people that are bummy all the time ..... everything is always wrong with them, nothing goes their way, nobody likes them etc. They act like if there is one single rain cloud that hangs over only their head, and its raining all the time.

And to make matters worse, they make it sound like your life is soooo perfect, like if you are lucky that XYZ is the circumstance in your life, they don't know what you are going through, but they assume its sunshine and daisies. These people hang on you, they make you feel sorry for them, you try to "help" them, and next thing your feeling bummy too. You feel obligated to help them because they are you friends, your lovers, your family etc........ But these people are heavy, they are the anchor around your neck..... they stop you from pushing yourself ...... you look back to help them and you can't see where you want to go. The Bumminess is infectious.

I have a message to all you "Bummy" people of the world ......... six little words that will help you to alleviate ALL your pain and suffering:

LIFE IS HARD ............. GET OVER IT !!

Its as simple as that ....... Shit happens to everyone ............... its how you deal with the shit that determines the quality of life you will have. Sitting around and crying solves nothing .......... and half the time the actions you take as a result of your bumminess result in the propagation of more bumminess.

Life is a continuum......... the things that you do now will affect the things that happen later ..... so do positive things now and positive things will come to you.

And to the non-bummy people, I'm not saying not to help, or be there for anyone, but help people that help themselves, and have a positive attitude about getting themselves out of the rut they are in..... even if they are bummy at the moment

Everybody has had it hard at one time or another ...... but my shoulder pads are not made of Kleenex ........ :P

Office Chair

I think I need a more comfortable chair for the office .......

This one is just totally unconducive to putting my feet on the desk and sleeping in !!

I'll have to talk to HR about this .......

If I Could Fly ........

If i could fly ......... It'd be really cool .................. i could go anywhere ....... i could do anything ......

i'd fly over the oceans and seas ............... and visit friends and family .............. yadda yadda yadda
HOW BORING !!

I suppose thats what an ordinary person would do if they could fly

But not me ...........

If i could fly ................ i'd probably wait for a really crowded event ...... one with lots of news cameras .....

then i'd float slowly above the crowd and as everyone's attention shifted and focused on me with people scattering and staring stunned in astonishment ............. i'd slowly raise my hands and say .........

"This world will end in 5 years"
And if anyone opposed what i said i'd say "MY people .............. who will you believe ........... the scientists ?? .... OR A MAN WHO CAN FLYYYYY !!!"

and i'd make 2 laps around the twin towers

and they'd obviously believe me because everyone wants to believe in a miracle .......... and people will always believe the "supernatural" over the obvious

and i'd have the world in the palm of my hand ........... at least for the next 5 years until they realize i can fly and that that's pretty much it.

But by then i would have amasted a fortune ........... because i would have started a church ......... and everyone would believe in me ............. cuz after all ........ a man who can fly would be the most believable man in the world.

Anytime i would be confronted with an opposing position i'd say:
"Yes ............ but i can fly....... you don't need any reason ........ just have faith"

........... and i'd levitate ......... and the people would always take my side.

I'd rule the world in no time !!!

Because people have an overwhelming desire to believe in something and once you can do anything amazing people will always value you for more than you really are.

And thats probably why i can't fly ........... because Jesus won't let me :(

Tastes Like Chicken

OK ppl ............ i just posting this because i tired of hearing it over and over from seemingly intelligent ppl.

KFC is NOT selling genetically modified chicken that have no heads and are fed with tubes.

First of all ........... because its illegal

and Second of all ............ because its stupid

KFC doesn't even raise chickens to begin with ........... they buy chikens from wholesalers ....... just like everybody else ............ so why would they even invest all that R&D into genetic chicken

Even if you though about it for 2 seconds ........... it wouldn't make sense ...... but ppl believe it cuz they got it in their email

PPL ......... your computer is not a magical box that gives only correct information......
An even if you suspect something is true ............. at least leave room for doubt ....... question things ....... don't just accept it .......... or worse yet doh come and tell me about getting cancer when i eating my "Box of Dead" (see http://www.snopes.com/horrors/food/kfc.asp)

They newest email circulating is a Power Point Presentation that "justifies" that Machel Montano worships the devil ............. but even if he does the presentation has the loosest argument ever .......(I'm sure you will get it soon enough)......... but ppl believe it cuz they got it from "a reliale source" who in turn got it from "a reliable source" .

Its not a reliable source you morons ............. its just a forward ..... duh

But what gets me most of all is that the same ppl that propagate these forwards and will swear by them will be wining down to "JUMBIE" with two drumsticks in their hands on a carnival tuesday !!

P.S. ............... Genetically modified chicken is DELICIOUS !!!

Secret Admirers

A friend of mine recently got a call from a secret admirer ......... as a dashing young stud who has had many, many secret admirers myself (kidding) ....... i had these words of avice to give to him

"There is a reason why secret admirers are secret...... they are either ugly or uncool "

no its true ......... stop laughing people

i suppose it is possible for some cute shy person to want to be a secret admirer ........... theoretically ............. but lets evaluate the evidence

This person is usually a secret admirer .......... because they are shy ... right ? ........ so they ask one of ur friends for ur e-mail / phone number etc. and contact you without letting you know who they are, ent ? ............ wait, wait, wait, ........... back track abit

this person is supposed to be "shy" .....but they highlighted the fact that they like you to a third party and also contacted you ...... hmmm ......... not plausible

second of all .......... cute ppl already have ppl that like them .......especially girls ......... even not-so-cute ppl have ppl them that like them .......... even ugly ppl have ppl that like them ............ so why would anybody leave their comfort zone to be a secret admirer

cute ppl usually have cute ppl that like them as well as not-so-cute ppl and ugly ppl
not-so-cute ppl have not-so cute-ppl that like them as well as ugly ppl
and only ugly ppl like ugly ppl

so chances are if u have a secret admirer, you have someone that is trying to skip across some social boundries

OK OK ........... i'm being ridiculous ....... but if you happen to have a sceret admirer just be aware that it may be a toad looking for a prince/princess

THE END

Things that I have Learned from Television (Part 1-- I feel i will be adding to this)

I was watching TV the other day, as i alwasy do, I'm a real addict and i started thinking alot of shows i have watched and i have come up with this list:

Please feel frre to add

Things that I have Learned from Television:

1) Human will power and hope will always pull you out of the most ridiculously impossible situation ......... this is particularly effective if someone calls you a chicken, crowd/evil overlord laughs at you in your moment of defeat, or the one you loves cries out to you. All impossible deeds done subsequent to this action should be done with a sturn grimace upon one's face.

2) The preferred language of all intergalactic species across the universe - is english. English is also the preferred language of earth people who don't speak english naturally(French,Germans, Japanese) when speaking amongst themselves. It is after all much easier to talk english with a heavy foreign accent than your own native language.

3) Cars, Boats, Planes, Trains ....... are highly ..... HIGHLY explosive

4) It is much more respectable amonst evil henchmen, to kill one's opponent with one's bare fists. Upon failing this, a weapon may be drawn to finish the job. It is never acceptable to run.

5) Aliens that are intellectually advanced enough to travel millions of light years across the cosmos always stop to dine on earth......... because humans make a tasty treat.

6) Any rag-tag bunch of miscreants or physically inferior groups of people can be turned into a winning team given the right training music.

I'm sure there are more .............. i'll continue this list after the weekend !!

Black People are Slaves (Part 3 of the Life Lessons from Doubles Series)

First of all .............. lemme just say that this is not a post bashing white ppl ....... oh no !
White people are in the clear this time ......... this is a post for black ppl ......... and by black ppl i'm not seperating Indians either ....... everybody of colour


So i was by the doubles man, again, getting myself the breakfast of champions.

This time i exercised my broughtupsey, i went and joined the line (albeit long) to get myself my channa treat. While in line, a white guy came up, and ordered a doubles to have there, and got served right away, which was ok by the doubles rules (See "Rules of Engagement" post). It was cool, nobody said anything, he wasn't keeping back anybody etc. . People even thought it was cute seeing this white guy eating doubles out of his hand on the pavement.

Cool. No scene. White guy finishes, busses out. (he leaves - for my international fan base.... 0f 1 person ......... hi Ea !!)

Anyway ............. he leaves ......... fine

Two black guys come a while after ......... they're in a hurry ........ the just want 2 (one each) in their hands to go quick ........... but they scruffy looking

* "Steupses" .............. everybody has a problem now !!

*Steups - a sucking of the teeth indicating disapproval

Ok let me review .........

people in the line - black
first guy - white - no problem
second set of guys - black - problem

Now this is not just one random incident at the doubles vendor

I get this all the time ............ i get discriminated against............ by black people
(i'm black btw)

i remember this one time i had these VIP tickets for a trinidad football match (my mom gets VIP tickets - don't ask) .......... and this is not the covered stands i talking about ....... its the VIP in the covered stands .......... me and my sister

first of all they checked my tickets about 3 times ............ cool scene .......... they were real and they couldn't stop me ...fine

gone in the stands..... sat down ...... cool

half time now they were supposed to have gourmet food and drinks in a special room for the VIP's ..... caviar and champagne and shit - courtesy b-mobile (i'm kidding btw) i go to go in and get blank (rejected) .......... everybody from the stand went in except me and my sister
they find something wrong with the invitation to not let us in
(A real dumb excuse- like it didn't have my mom's name written on it ........... which i could have easily just written in myself cuz it was done in pen) .............

NO WAY A YOUNG BLACK RASTA COULD BE IN VIP !!!

and the ppl by the door weren't white ppl........... not even the usually ignorant security guards (who were letting us in btw)

It was the hoity-toity black ppl, and older lady called us back, after we had already crossed the threshold - to inspect our credentials........... the only thing she didn't check was my teeth

ppl who seemingly are educated and intelligent, and should "know better"

i state my case and after getting blanked again i left ........... the last thing i wanted to do was make noise and give them the excuse to say ....."young black rasta men are warahoon's " .(uncooth ppl)

So i dignifiably left and went back to my seat.... no caviar and champagne for me so I humble myself with an Apple-J and salt-peanuts ......... watever

Black ppl again .............

we always think that once someone is white, or something is white run, its better.
and the things is, at least in my experience, i doh get that kinda treatment from ACTUAL white ppl.

Its always the people right under the ass of the boss that have pushed up their lips so much that their eyes remained closed.

thats why if some little idiot in a store is giving you a hard time always deal directly with the manager. And if you want something to be a success put a white man to front it !

Yes i do acknowledge actual racism is there also from white ppl ........ i have gotten the odd stare from white ppl from time to time .......... but it never prevented me from entering or doing anything as much as the ones from black ppl

And thats why i say black people are slaves .............. not to white people, but to their own ideology.

P.S. I do realize by writting this essay about black people bashing black people their is great irony as i am a black man bashing black people

Sooooooooooo ......... Kill Whitey !!!

Happy Now ?

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Well today my pants certainly are on fire

I told the biggest stupidest most non-sensical lie yesterday........... and to boot got caught

this is how it went ......... I told a small lie ............ and got confronted on it ........ so i told a lie to back it up .... which also got confronted

2 lies turned into 3 and soon my lie was a Charles Dickenson novel

and to make it worst ........... i got caught ......... how embarrassing

and the sad part was........... the thing i was lieing about wasn't even that serious
i was just defending the initial lie .... not the actual act

Anyway ............ the moral of the story is DON'T LIE

(or at least if you have to lie, make sure that the trouble you would get in IF caught is more serious that the trouble u'll get in for lieing about it)

Jumping to Conclusions (Unknown Author)

Imagine you're in an airport. While you're waiting for your flight, younotice a kiosk selling shortbread biscuits. You buy a box, put them in your travelling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your biscuits.

Finally you find a seat next to a gentleman. You reach down into your travelling bag and pull out yourbox of shortbread biscuits. As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you open the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up a biscuit and bring it to your mouth.

Just then he reaches over and takes one of your biscuits from the box and eats it! You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one biscuit, but he alternateswith you. For every one biscuit you take, he takes one.

Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve! Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office?

Meanwhile, you both continue eating the biscuits until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves.

You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry. So you go back to the kiosk and buy another box of biscuits. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of biscuits when you glance down into your travelling bag, sitting there in your bag is your original box of biscuits-still unopened.

Only then did you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag and grabbed his box of biscuits by mistake!!

Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You're seeing things from a new point of view. Is it time to change your point of view?

Now,think of this story as it relates to your life. Seeing things from a new point of view can be very enlightening. Think outside the box. Don't settle for the status quo. Be open to suggestions. Things may not be what they seem.

Fat People are Lazy

I've been holding off on writing this post for a very long time ........ one because i know it will offend people (fat and skinny alike)...... and two because i wanted to generate a sound enough theory based on observation that i could make a solid statement that is justifyable

so here i go .... Fat People are Lazy:

Let me first start off by saying that

1. I DO NOT believe that everyone could, or should have a barbie/ken doll figure
2. Some people are obviously big boned and have a full figure
3. Some people are just chubby

When i talk about fat ppl, i AM NOT talking about the full-figured, big-boned, or evn the chubby ....... You KNOW who i am talking about ......... THE OBESE

yes OBESE goes in caps lock because thats how they look compared to eveybody else ......OBESE

Now actually alot of my "research" on the OBESE has come from my fat friends himself ..... one in particular who isn't quite OBESE ....... but he is fat enough to shed some insight

one of the main things he said is that fat people aren't born fat ....and through either bad habits or social upbringing they become fat. Getting fat is a gradual process, it takes years of bad habits. You start ordering big meals and after a while you start finishing them !!

ok be that as it may ........... i get to my point ........... fat ppl are lazy

this is an observation backed by a justifyable speculation, don't expect an maths behind it or anything

Fat people get fat ....... mainly due to their own habits
Yes some ppl are more prone to getting fat ........ but just because u are more prone to getting fat doesn't mean you are more prone to eating chocolate cake

you must know that certain foods are not for you if u are fat prone ...........

which goes to my next point .......... fat ppl have no discipline
ok.......... ur fat or getting there .......... but u still eat large quantities of shit food and you don't exercise and you don't do much because ur fat and its hard to move around so its hard to exercise or move around .......... and what happens ?? ...... You get fatter

And the fatter you get the less you do and the less you are willing to do .............. ie you get lazy

But it was the initial laziness that got u fat, and the fattiness that keeps you lazy ..........its a vicious cycle

what i will conclude on is saying that OBESITY is not a state of body ....... its a state of mind reflected in the body

In conclusion, that's why we should not feel sorry for fat people and should laugh at them ............. HA HA

(yes thats 2 fat "ha's" )

Audio-Learning

OK .......... Just a random thought

If you can learn an entirely new language by listening to it over and over again....
Can you then become stupider by listening to stupid people repeatedly .......

And why do I constantly think about this when i'm at the office???? hmmmmm.........

Survival of the Fittest ...... (Part 2 of the Life Lessons from Doubles Series)

Yuh know y i like doubles? Generally speaking, yuh don't have to wait long for it, unless its in Port-of-Spain. (See Rules of Engagement)

Yuh go to the doubles man, yuh worm yuh way through the hungry crowd, yuh say "Gimme one, slight pepper"......... 2 seconds later yuh hand dutty with channa ........ quick and simple

no lines, no formal arrangements , everything is simple

Obviously if you have a louder voice, or a more brazen attitude or if yuh know the doubles-man yuh will get through faster

But thats the point ............. Its a survival of the fittest

That's why i find a line to the doubles man such a counterproductive concept

obviously if the doubles man is serving one at a time and everyone is waiting patiently he's not going to rush ............

a good friend of mine commented on my last post that West ppl have "Broughtupsey" so they can wait ...... but its not a matter of broughtupsey, its a matter of efficiency ....... hungry crowds can be polite and somewhat patient ..... provided that the doubles man doesn't "stick" ........ yuh need to see a junction (Any junction, Anywhere in Trinidad) operate ........... lighting fast reflexes

but anyway on with the story ............ ordering a doubles ....... or any street food for that matter is a situation where the comparative advantage wins

lines and other formal trapping are ways of equalizing the comparative advantage ...... which is what i truly find unfair

Of course doubles is not the best example of this but i have noticed it in a number of fields of competition ...... the team or player with the advantage has to give it up to "level the playing field"

it happened to me and a group of my friends just the other day ...... we we doing a promotional thing for a campus carnival band in UWI (which is a competition) where we competing for band of the year and also trying to sell costumes to make money........ The DJ who is a member of our promotion wore a last-year's-jersey on stage for the band launching ceremony.... and the powers that be minussed 3 points from us ......wha ???

does that make sense ............ they say we had an advantage of drawing more ppl to the band by having a public person wear the jersey at a public event ..........

even if it was an "advantage"... so what ...........

why are winners forced to drop the level of their game to compete with losers ?
why is the spirit of competition being stifled

i am probably the biggest fan of the underdog EVER ............. but who wants to see an underdog win when the over-dog is kept on his leash

what's next ? will the bigger boxer be allowed only to punch with his left hand ??
RIDICULOUS

Competion is a natural order ......... its the primary factor behind evolution ...... better, stronger, faster

Now being being better is put in a negative light, and using one's advantage is seen as being unfair

Just think about it, if everything in nature was lining up to get an equal share we'd all still be amoeba !! :)

The Rules of Engagement ....... (Part 1 of the Life Lessons from Doubles series)

The Rules of Engagement ..............

sounds exiting aye, like kind of war-ish.... But it really has more to do with one of my most appreciated foods: stewed channa with sauteed mango sauce and salted cucumbers served with two fried flour envelopes known as "Bara"

A.K.A. : DOUBLES

Now i'm going for my morning meal, the breakfast of champions: doubles, when i see this ridiculously long line, at least 15 ppl strong.

Now this was my first point of contention, a line for doubles ??? Doubles, the messiest unorganised hodge-podge of edible material is what you are gonna make a line for ?? But anyway, is west ppl so wha a go say allyuh does line up for eveything (sorry to all my west breddren, yuh know i had to chuck dat one in dere)

Anyway ........... me being an avid connoisseur of not only doubles but doubles culture, instead of standing in a ridiculously long line took option B for ordering my morning sustainance Now for all of you unfamiliar ppl i will now attempt to delv into lore of doubles culture to give you readers (especially west ppl ;) - sorry) a greater understanding of doubles.

Doubles tutorial No. 1 - There are two ways to order a doubles

1. Taking away - when one orders the doubles to go, the doubles vendor makes up the order to one's specifications (slight pepper, no chutney etc.) and places the said doubles, in the quantity ordered into an un marked brown paper bag with usually 2 to 3 napkins. One then pays for the no of doubles requested and the doubles package is then taken to one's location of choice (office, car, home etc.), unpacked and eaten with much relish.
   
2. Having it here - one goes up to the doubles vendor, requests a single doubles to the specifications desired (slight pepper, no chutney etc.) , then adds the tag line, "to have here". The doubles vedor quickly makes up your order, usually instantly, and gives it to you minus the brown paper bag and the napkin. One then eats the double, out of ones hand. Upon completion of this single double, one decides "Do I have another". If one is not full, one requests another, which is usually the case, and keeps repeating the cycle until one reaches a point where one can say *"Wey boy!! My Belly full". One then settles-up with doubles vendor for the doubles eaten post-consumtion.

* Saying "Wey boy!! My Belly full" after eating just one doubles, is usually regarded as socially unnacceptable for anyone of the male persuasion and is usually frowned upon unless the doubles is spoilt (and even that is disputable)

Method 2 has increasingly become phased out of society as ppl are not culturally attuned to standing on the pavement ond eating from their hands.

Some other things to note about doubles culture:

1. There is usually NEVER a line to get doubles, Doubles-men (as they are locally known) are usually surrounded by a mob of hungry ppl
2. There is no order to ordering a doubles in such circumstances. ie there is no first come first serve
3. The louder one speaks is directly proportional the timelyness and qulaity of service one receive
4. There is an honour system when eating doubles when "Having It Here" ; the doubles man has lost count of how many doubles you had after the first 2. One keeps track of one's own consumtion and pays accordingly
5. Saying "Gimme one slight", is idicative that you want a doubles with slight pepper
6. Slight pepper in Doubles terminology translates to an adequate amount of pepper. For the bold, or unfamiliar, asking for medium or heavy pepper is usually just asking for trouble.
7. A bucket with a tap is usually provided for those who choose to eat there and wish to wash their hands

Now that you have been adequately educated, I will now proceed with my story:

I was going to eat a doubles right, and they had this real long line dread. So wha ah do was to go by the side of the doubles man and say "Gimme one slight, Ah taking it here". So he did give me one on d side, and ah did nyam it dong ride dere. So i ask he for annodder one and i went on eating. When i did ketch myself, everybody in the line benning cuz them waiting long long and i now reach and eating. But is a Hard lucks for them dread, Nobody eh tell dem to stan up dey like a bunch of mooks. Whoever here about a line for double ??? Boy i eat my doubles, wash my hand by the bucket and buss-out yes.

Doubles is about the survival of the fittest, the quickest, the loudest (just like God intended it)

Don't ben because u too ashamed to eat a doubles out of your hand in your shirt and tie.

What would Mister Ali say if he could see our nation now??
He would be most displeased.