The Rules of Engagement ....... (Part 1 of the Life Lessons from Doubles series)

The Rules of Engagement ..............

sounds exiting aye, like kind of war-ish.... But it really has more to do with one of my most appreciated foods: stewed channa with sauteed mango sauce and salted cucumbers served with two fried flour envelopes known as "Bara"

A.K.A. : DOUBLES

Now i'm going for my morning meal, the breakfast of champions: doubles, when i see this ridiculously long line, at least 15 ppl strong.

Now this was my first point of contention, a line for doubles ??? Doubles, the messiest unorganised hodge-podge of edible material is what you are gonna make a line for ?? But anyway, is west ppl so wha a go say allyuh does line up for eveything (sorry to all my west breddren, yuh know i had to chuck dat one in dere)

Anyway ........... me being an avid connoisseur of not only doubles but doubles culture, instead of standing in a ridiculously long line took option B for ordering my morning sustainance Now for all of you unfamiliar ppl i will now attempt to delv into lore of doubles culture to give you readers (especially west ppl ;) - sorry) a greater understanding of doubles.

Doubles tutorial No. 1 - There are two ways to order a doubles

1. Taking away - when one orders the doubles to go, the doubles vendor makes up the order to one's specifications (slight pepper, no chutney etc.) and places the said doubles, in the quantity ordered into an un marked brown paper bag with usually 2 to 3 napkins. One then pays for the no of doubles requested and the doubles package is then taken to one's location of choice (office, car, home etc.), unpacked and eaten with much relish.
   
2. Having it here - one goes up to the doubles vendor, requests a single doubles to the specifications desired (slight pepper, no chutney etc.) , then adds the tag line, "to have here". The doubles vedor quickly makes up your order, usually instantly, and gives it to you minus the brown paper bag and the napkin. One then eats the double, out of ones hand. Upon completion of this single double, one decides "Do I have another". If one is not full, one requests another, which is usually the case, and keeps repeating the cycle until one reaches a point where one can say *"Wey boy!! My Belly full". One then settles-up with doubles vendor for the doubles eaten post-consumtion.

* Saying "Wey boy!! My Belly full" after eating just one doubles, is usually regarded as socially unnacceptable for anyone of the male persuasion and is usually frowned upon unless the doubles is spoilt (and even that is disputable)

Method 2 has increasingly become phased out of society as ppl are not culturally attuned to standing on the pavement ond eating from their hands.

Some other things to note about doubles culture:

1. There is usually NEVER a line to get doubles, Doubles-men (as they are locally known) are usually surrounded by a mob of hungry ppl
2. There is no order to ordering a doubles in such circumstances. ie there is no first come first serve
3. The louder one speaks is directly proportional the timelyness and qulaity of service one receive
4. There is an honour system when eating doubles when "Having It Here" ; the doubles man has lost count of how many doubles you had after the first 2. One keeps track of one's own consumtion and pays accordingly
5. Saying "Gimme one slight", is idicative that you want a doubles with slight pepper
6. Slight pepper in Doubles terminology translates to an adequate amount of pepper. For the bold, or unfamiliar, asking for medium or heavy pepper is usually just asking for trouble.
7. A bucket with a tap is usually provided for those who choose to eat there and wish to wash their hands

Now that you have been adequately educated, I will now proceed with my story:

I was going to eat a doubles right, and they had this real long line dread. So wha ah do was to go by the side of the doubles man and say "Gimme one slight, Ah taking it here". So he did give me one on d side, and ah did nyam it dong ride dere. So i ask he for annodder one and i went on eating. When i did ketch myself, everybody in the line benning cuz them waiting long long and i now reach and eating. But is a Hard lucks for them dread, Nobody eh tell dem to stan up dey like a bunch of mooks. Whoever here about a line for double ??? Boy i eat my doubles, wash my hand by the bucket and buss-out yes.

Doubles is about the survival of the fittest, the quickest, the loudest (just like God intended it)

Don't ben because u too ashamed to eat a doubles out of your hand in your shirt and tie.

What would Mister Ali say if he could see our nation now??
He would be most displeased.