So I'm listening to the radio this morning, going along my merry way (not that I'm merry about going to work, but rather enjoying my last few minutes before impending doom) when I hear the Red 96.7 morning hosts talking about the attack of Tatiana the Tiger.
No it wasn't an ad for cornflakes .... but it was sufficiently annoying enough to make me wish they WERE trying to sell me something. This Tiger attacked 3 people, killing one and injuring 2 others before it was shot dead. The year before, it killed a man.
Apart from the fact that they said part of the reasons for the attack is that they should not take Tigers out from ... I quote: "Africa" and "Australia" ( I hope to good God that was a joke)
The kept going on and on about how the Tiger was real "Dread" .... and one of the hosts compared it to this bad dog he had that once bit his hand.
I had a bit of an issue with that ..... a dog is a domesticated animal ... if it lunges at you unprovoked it is, one might say "Real Dread"
However, a Tiger that mauls people is not "Real Dread" ....... its just a Tiger
That's what Tigers do ..... they kill and eat stuff ........ its on a Tiger's resume:
Work Experience:
92-94 Emperor Valley Zoo
94- 00 San Francisco Zoo
00-07 Central Park Zoo
Hobbies: Killing and eating meat
Not to rag on the morning show boys ...... but its a common ideology that human are superior to other animals ..... so we get all appalled when a Tiger, for example, eats a human.
How dear he !! That Bastard....
Its the same thing when I watch these nature shows about animal attacks. They always give these long explanations as to why animals attack humans.
Like this show about shark attacks on national geographic. "Oh it was a case of mistaken identity", "The sharks are stressed"..... blah blah blah ......
Who knows.... Maybe humans are just delicious !!
What I do know is that we are over fishing the seas, destroying the environment, reducing food sources and always in abundance everywhere. The point is if I was a Shark/Tiger I'd eat people too. Just think about it. Its obvious. Easy pickings. We are fatty, slow, and stop to take pictures of everything. We have a disconnect from nature ...
We never see an attack coming...
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Crotch Rocket !!!
So the ZZMaDMan has a bike ....
And despite the fact that when he tells people this, they automatically think its a red tricycle with yellow tassels ..... its a real live motorbike ... a fully fledged war machine.
So The ZZMaDMan is riding his bike down the highway, winding between the lanes of never ending traffic, when he comes across a ball of meat. Now there is no other way that one could truly describe this thing other than "a ball of meat"
It was clearly of flesh based origin judging by its tone and general consistency, but as from what poor creature this "meat" was derived The ZZMadMan had no clear indication. All that could be said is that that was the largest, non-descript, sun-baked collection of dirt covered cadaver that the ZZMaMan has ever seen on the nations motorways.
Now, as you may have figured by now, the dynamics of running over obstacles with a 2 wheeler, are vastly different from that a four wheeler. And faced with either the potential prospects of "bussing a fall", or being splattered with Churchill-Roosevelt meat sauce, it was clear that a predicament arose.
Now just to remind you .... The ZZMadMan was between lanes in traffic..... there was a car to the right of the "meat" and a pickup to its left and the Meat was in the middle, on the white line, quickly approaching.
The ZZMadMan automatically went into evasive maneuvers mode.
His senses were tuned, his eyes went all squinty, and his reflexes went into overdrive.
Just then, traffic in the left lane started to move up, the pickup started to drive up; soon it would be just past this dead "moose" making a space between it and the car behind it.
An opportunity arose !!
The ZZMaDman had every intention of utilising it!
A plan was made!
He had to accelerate into the space fast enough to gain it, round the meat, and accelerate back out of the space just as the pickup passed the cadaver lest he be hit by the car behind.
His left hand disengaged the clutch, his left foot dropped the gear, his left hand re-engaged the clutch and he leaned hard to the right as his right hand wrung the throttle unleashing the roar of the beast !!
The space was gained, the meat was rounded ... now all that was left was the exit!!
Just then....... the pickup came to an abrupt stop.............. literally 2 feet between itself and that lump of cornbeef.
Shit !!!
His right hand quickly released the throttle, he leaned hard to the right to stabilize, and gripped hard on the break !!
Just then 2 things happened:
1) The tires screeched as they bit into the road, the bike rounded the solid crome bumper of that dastardly pickup ... the meat was missed completely
2) The ZZMadMan arms tensed to their full strength to stop him from shooting over the handle bars, his left leg flailed out wildly, and his right testicle shot up into his throat and told his Adam's apple:
"Wat's up buddy !!"
The ZZMaDMan found out intimately why they call a bike a Crotch Rocket !!
Now most guys know what it is like to have this experience... at least to some degree; But for the ladies ..... and men who who never played a sport or angered young children The ZZMadMan will attempt to explain this experience:
Imagine Euphoria..... Imagine immense joy and satisfaction ...Imagine that warm glow you feel when everything is right with ur life...
Now imagine the exact opposite... Imagine pain ... just pain ... nothing but pain ... in every fiber of your torso; rainclouds, dog shit, mouldy cheese and everything crappy in the entire world all at the same time.
A single tear came to the ZZMadMan's eye.
As the blinding white light subsided from The ZZMadMan's vision, he contemplated curling up on the side of the road in the fetal position. But judging this as un-manly he continued home; a tremble in his legs and cold sweat on his brow. The longest 5 km of his life.
But The Road Warrior Lives on ... Always vigilant of stray meat !
And despite the fact that when he tells people this, they automatically think its a red tricycle with yellow tassels ..... its a real live motorbike ... a fully fledged war machine.
So The ZZMaDMan is riding his bike down the highway, winding between the lanes of never ending traffic, when he comes across a ball of meat. Now there is no other way that one could truly describe this thing other than "a ball of meat"
It was clearly of flesh based origin judging by its tone and general consistency, but as from what poor creature this "meat" was derived The ZZMadMan had no clear indication. All that could be said is that that was the largest, non-descript, sun-baked collection of dirt covered cadaver that the ZZMaMan has ever seen on the nations motorways.
Now, as you may have figured by now, the dynamics of running over obstacles with a 2 wheeler, are vastly different from that a four wheeler. And faced with either the potential prospects of "bussing a fall", or being splattered with Churchill-Roosevelt meat sauce, it was clear that a predicament arose.
Now just to remind you .... The ZZMadMan was between lanes in traffic..... there was a car to the right of the "meat" and a pickup to its left and the Meat was in the middle, on the white line, quickly approaching.
The ZZMadMan automatically went into evasive maneuvers mode.
His senses were tuned, his eyes went all squinty, and his reflexes went into overdrive.
Just then, traffic in the left lane started to move up, the pickup started to drive up; soon it would be just past this dead "moose" making a space between it and the car behind it.
An opportunity arose !!
The ZZMaDman had every intention of utilising it!
A plan was made!
He had to accelerate into the space fast enough to gain it, round the meat, and accelerate back out of the space just as the pickup passed the cadaver lest he be hit by the car behind.
His left hand disengaged the clutch, his left foot dropped the gear, his left hand re-engaged the clutch and he leaned hard to the right as his right hand wrung the throttle unleashing the roar of the beast !!
The space was gained, the meat was rounded ... now all that was left was the exit!!
Just then....... the pickup came to an abrupt stop.............. literally 2 feet between itself and that lump of cornbeef.
Shit !!!
His right hand quickly released the throttle, he leaned hard to the right to stabilize, and gripped hard on the break !!
Just then 2 things happened:
1) The tires screeched as they bit into the road, the bike rounded the solid crome bumper of that dastardly pickup ... the meat was missed completely
2) The ZZMadMan arms tensed to their full strength to stop him from shooting over the handle bars, his left leg flailed out wildly, and his right testicle shot up into his throat and told his Adam's apple:
"Wat's up buddy !!"
The ZZMaDMan found out intimately why they call a bike a Crotch Rocket !!
Now most guys know what it is like to have this experience... at least to some degree; But for the ladies ..... and men who who never played a sport or angered young children The ZZMadMan will attempt to explain this experience:
Imagine Euphoria..... Imagine immense joy and satisfaction ...Imagine that warm glow you feel when everything is right with ur life...
Now imagine the exact opposite... Imagine pain ... just pain ... nothing but pain ... in every fiber of your torso; rainclouds, dog shit, mouldy cheese and everything crappy in the entire world all at the same time.
A single tear came to the ZZMadMan's eye.
As the blinding white light subsided from The ZZMadMan's vision, he contemplated curling up on the side of the road in the fetal position. But judging this as un-manly he continued home; a tremble in his legs and cold sweat on his brow. The longest 5 km of his life.
But The Road Warrior Lives on ... Always vigilant of stray meat !
Pimping in the 21st Century ...
Boy sees Girl. Girl sees Boy.
Boy thinks Girl is cute.
Boy decides he wants to know Girl.
Boy weighs his options.
Boy can A) attempt to talk to Girl - but this may likely lead to an awkward conversation OR/AND looks of confused distrust from the girl by having a random stranger talk to her.
Or B ) Boy can go to Facebook.com !!
Boy chooses option B) and spends a day or two looking for Girl's profile
Boy "Pokes" Girl ......
After 2 days, Girl pokes back ...... things are looking up!
Boy sends a friend request !! (There is a 50% chance that he may be added but boy accepts the risk)
After 2 days Girl adds boy to list!! ....... Boy is ecstatic !
Now Boy has his opening.....His time to shine! He thinks long and hard about his first message ...... He is eager, yet patient ..... he needs to think of something special ; something clever.... something, that will leave an impression!!
...... He thinks for a day .... two days ..... three ..... and then delivers his well thought out introduction:
"Hi ..... wat's up :)"
........ Perfect !!
2 days pass and Girl responds: "Nothing ......... what's up with you"
Its the start of a beautiful relationship.....
All Boy now has to do now is see if he can persuade her to give him her instant messenger contact .... that way he can woo her with sweet nothings from his fingertips ....
If everything goes well, one day he may even get her phone number ..... and in a year or 2 actually meet her....
Is this what the world has come to? Five years ago if someone perused someone elses personal life over the Internet they were considered a stalker ..... now they are a stalker if they talk to them face to face ...
WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY !!!
Boy thinks Girl is cute.
Boy decides he wants to know Girl.
Boy weighs his options.
Boy can A) attempt to talk to Girl - but this may likely lead to an awkward conversation OR/AND looks of confused distrust from the girl by having a random stranger talk to her.
Or B ) Boy can go to Facebook.com !!
Boy chooses option B) and spends a day or two looking for Girl's profile
Boy "Pokes" Girl ......
After 2 days, Girl pokes back ...... things are looking up!
Boy sends a friend request !! (There is a 50% chance that he may be added but boy accepts the risk)
After 2 days Girl adds boy to list!! ....... Boy is ecstatic !
Now Boy has his opening.....His time to shine! He thinks long and hard about his first message ...... He is eager, yet patient ..... he needs to think of something special ; something clever.... something, that will leave an impression!!
...... He thinks for a day .... two days ..... three ..... and then delivers his well thought out introduction:
"Hi ..... wat's up :)"
........ Perfect !!
2 days pass and Girl responds: "Nothing ......... what's up with you"
Its the start of a beautiful relationship.....
All Boy now has to do now is see if he can persuade her to give him her instant messenger contact .... that way he can woo her with sweet nothings from his fingertips ....
If everything goes well, one day he may even get her phone number ..... and in a year or 2 actually meet her....
Is this what the world has come to? Five years ago if someone perused someone elses personal life over the Internet they were considered a stalker ..... now they are a stalker if they talk to them face to face ...
WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY !!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Jesus Christ - The Trilogy
Everything these days is a Trilogy: Star Wars, LOTR, Blade, Bourne .... you get my drift
I saw a program on cable the other day ....It was called “The Nativity”.....
I naturally assumed this to be the Prequel to “The Passion of Christ”.... it has the same setting same style everything
What’s next?... “The Rapture” ?
…… Premiering December 12th 2012.
I saw a program on cable the other day ....It was called “The Nativity”.....
I naturally assumed this to be the Prequel to “The Passion of Christ”.... it has the same setting same style everything
What’s next?... “The Rapture” ?
…… Premiering December 12th 2012.
The Art of Deception
I’m going to write a book. I’m going to call it “Deception”.
The Prologue of the book will read “This book will teach you deception in its truest form”.
The entire book will be about bunnies.
The Epilogue of the book will read “Ha Ha… Gotchya!!”
The Prologue of the book will read “This book will teach you deception in its truest form”.
The entire book will be about bunnies.
The Epilogue of the book will read “Ha Ha… Gotchya!!”
The Painting ...
Working at my office is like a being trapped in a room full of people with one picture of a window on the wall ... On this picture, through the frame of this window in there can be seen a long road winding into the distance, some beautiful trees and a big yellow sun way up in the sky.
All the managers in the room are saying “We have a solution!!! We’ll just open this window … jump through.... grab some of those delicious red apples and walk down the road off into the brilliant golden sunset.”
And to this all the other employees reply “Yes, Yes … We can see it now... walking down the road, eating apples...the juice is so sweet! The managers are so brilliant!!”
And I'm just there thinking ......... it's a fucking picture you morons !!! Why doesn't someone just open the real door !?!
All the managers in the room are saying “We have a solution!!! We’ll just open this window … jump through.... grab some of those delicious red apples and walk down the road off into the brilliant golden sunset.”
And to this all the other employees reply “Yes, Yes … We can see it now... walking down the road, eating apples...the juice is so sweet! The managers are so brilliant!!”
And I'm just there thinking ......... it's a fucking picture you morons !!! Why doesn't someone just open the real door !?!
Secret Santa ...
Yuh know what would be a really COOL present to give someone for a secret santa present ..... A Box of Ice ....
yeah yeah ....just think about it ......... You give them the present....... they shake it and hear something rattling around ...... then 2 hours later when they open it they're thinking:
"Hey, someone stole my present ....... and WET the box ...... then wrapped it up again"
This trick is particularly funny if you use yellow ice blocks ....
Muhahahaha
yeah yeah ....just think about it ......... You give them the present....... they shake it and hear something rattling around ...... then 2 hours later when they open it they're thinking:
"Hey, someone stole my present ....... and WET the box ...... then wrapped it up again"
This trick is particularly funny if you use yellow ice blocks ....
Muhahahaha
New Posts -YES !! ... Maybe
I know I know .......
I've been sticking on my posts .......its not that i'm not thinking of new stuff
My outbox of posts is full of uncompleted posts ....... i just seem to never finish them or never be satisfied with them
i'm just not a Finishy kind of person ..... I'm the guy lying face down on the track with a face full of dust and his limbs all askew 2 m away from the finish line
oh well .... i will try to finish the ones i have and try to get some new one's in
so at least you have this post to read in the mean time while i .....
brb .......... i'll finish this later
I've been sticking on my posts .......its not that i'm not thinking of new stuff
My outbox of posts is full of uncompleted posts ....... i just seem to never finish them or never be satisfied with them
i'm just not a Finishy kind of person ..... I'm the guy lying face down on the track with a face full of dust and his limbs all askew 2 m away from the finish line
oh well .... i will try to finish the ones i have and try to get some new one's in
so at least you have this post to read in the mean time while i .....
brb .......... i'll finish this later
The Equation
Being in a bad relationship is like trying to satisfy the equation
(x) Time + (y) Effort+ (z) Money = O (Love)
No matter what you substitute for x,y and z the result will always be zero.
So before you waste alot of xyz's, always check to see what's the factor on love.
(x) Time + (y) Effort+ (z) Money = O (Love)
No matter what you substitute for x,y and z the result will always be zero.
So before you waste alot of xyz's, always check to see what's the factor on love.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Prayer of the Bored ...
The INTERNET is my shepherd, I shall not want.
It maketh me lie down in funny blog sites,
it leadeth me beside soothing images of kittens,
It restoreth my soul.
It guideth me in paths of righteousness
for its name's sake.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of boredom
I shall fear not insanity
For my bandwidth is exeptional
Facebook be my rod and and Messenger my staff,
To comfort me until 4:30
It prepareth a banquet of peoples profiles for my perusal
in the presence of the neighsayers who writeth on "My Wall".
It anointeth my head with streaming videos;
my Funwall overfloweth.
Surely pokes and nudges will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of Windows
forever and ever.
Amen
It maketh me lie down in funny blog sites,
it leadeth me beside soothing images of kittens,
It restoreth my soul.
It guideth me in paths of righteousness
for its name's sake.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of boredom
I shall fear not insanity
For my bandwidth is exeptional
Facebook be my rod and and Messenger my staff,
To comfort me until 4:30
It prepareth a banquet of peoples profiles for my perusal
in the presence of the neighsayers who writeth on "My Wall".
It anointeth my head with streaming videos;
my Funwall overfloweth.
Surely pokes and nudges will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of Windows
forever and ever.
Amen
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I'm High ...
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Sung by a young robotic child with a foreign accent
The clock on the wall keeps ticking ..... forward ... forward ... forward .... backward ... no no .... that was just my imagination
MMMM my no nmaed accompliss gives me a snachk........... MMMM cookies delicious !!! ..... Onely Dwiggidy might appreciate this blog....... i should go change those "MMMM"'s in "MMMM cookies delicious !!!" to bold so that they'll match the rest of the sentence "MMMM cookie's delicous" *much better*
This would be funny to write in a blog maybe, if i was to write a blog about blogging about a blog
And i know just how i'd start it !! :
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
I should write this in caps .... WELL NOT REALLY IN CAPS ......... in those pointy shaped thinies "<>"....so people can diffrentiate my inner thoughts from my writings ...
yeah.... well you spell "thingy" wrong ........ but we'd agreed that we would come back and change all the spelling errors .... when we wer normal.......
Oh no you should not have said we ....... now the readers will think we have really gone off the deep end of the ship..... that i'm schitzophenic .....but no i'm jsut a lil high
*now where was i with my story ........ this will win me a noble peace prize*
Off in the distance i hear druming....... and a flute ...... TEE-TEET-TEE-TOOT, TEE-TEET-TEE-TOOT .......
and always this incesant tuning of a pan in the background ..... doesn't this guy ever give up
*Ping Ping pong ping ping pong*
constantly ........... its distracting me from writing this blog ...... Christ !!!
but is that pan really playing or is all in my head ??............. i can't tell ..... the noise seems real enough ........ * ping ping pong, ping ping pong*....... it sounds real but its not, i can predict the notes in my head b4 they are played ...... i should go to the bathroom
oh no !!! .................. in the bathroom the pan tuning has gotten louder which means that i have gone closer to the source of the noise *ping ping pong, ping ping, pong* .... The pan is real !!!
.......... No actually ........ those are just crickets ......
Yuh know ...... we should really write a blog about this .... go to the computer
What's my website again ........ WWW dot ZEE-ZEE-EM-AYE-DEE-EM-AYE-EN at Blogspot dot com
no that's not it !!`......... what the hell is my blogger address ..... shit
Its WWW dot ZEE-ZEE-EM-AYE-DEE-EM-AYE-EN dot Blogspot dot com
- i'm so wasted-
Theirs my blog page ..... its black.........*sign in*
Username ? ummmm ........... "ZEE-ZEE-EM-AYE-DEE-EM-AYE-EN " ........
Password? hmmmm ....... "************" no wait , thats my msn password - *BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE* ......... "**********"
Succcessssssss !!!!
Ok how should i start this ......
I know !!:
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
people will be confused when they read this blog because it goes in circles and circles
offwhere in the distance a slow sole tune is playing ....... you spelt soul wrong its "ESS- OH-YOU-ELL" you moron...... * i just realized that my thoughts are phonetic*
I hear the music, there are children running in an alley across the street, the moss on the rocks in the alley are lavish and green ..... a little 2 green , how do i describe this when i'm typing it ??
"You should go back and change to Italics in ........ something" i can't remember ...... i was distracted by the sound of the children ........ running along their long moss lined alley
This story goes backward and forward
i'm typing it as im living it ...... i typed .... i type ... i typed
my thinking of typing drowned out by the floating blimp with the colourful screen on its side a big white blimp much like the police blimp in trinidad, except its floating really low over the skyscrapers as i stand on the street across the road from the children playing hop scotch in their dismal litlle alley
there is music from a rock band .......... i can hear the words but i cannot understand what they are saying ...... i like the tune...... i bob my head to the music ..... my accompliss is amuzed .... They don't hear the music.....
beyounce plays on the radio of the car as i look up, but the noise is drowned out by the blimp which goes back and forth like a DVD that keeps skipping - over me up above against the backdrop of the brightly coloured orange and navy blue sky....... this big white police - rock playin blimp ..... I feel the cuffs slide on as i am distracted by the blimp ......I'm going to jail ....
but i can't be going to jail ............... because i'm writing this blog
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
offwhere in the distance a south african band plays .... i think their is concert somewhere ..... i would probably hear it better if this dude would stop tuning that infernal pan
i can hear the lead singer, singing but i cannot hear his actual words
i hear the drums, i can hear the guitar.......
i see him playing on a colosal, high def, colourful, giant yet twisted screen ..... on that hologram across the road from my feet ...
this Blog will be so funny in the future .....
*laugh* *laugh* *laugh*
i see his face, but i can't remember his nambe .... BACKSPACE, BACKSPACE ..... You spelt "name" wromge, lol now you spelt "wromg" wrong ......that's what u call ironic ... i wonder if my readers will even get my double entendre .... they might I think .....
Maybe i should delete this whole previous thing ........
I can't think straight because of all this incesant music !!! ...... Off where in the distance i hear a violin and a woman sings to Tina Turner on the gigantic hologram outside my window ........... Why must they have this concert in the middle of the night !?!?! ............ And why is it so sunny outside .......... and why is the sky bright orange with blue clouds!! ........... am i typing all this in my blog ??.......... oh yes my blog !!! .........
i should write a blog about this as soon as i come out of the bathroom ..... these crickets are annoying ............. with them chirping i can't hear the sound of the pan
This blog will be like that movie "Memento" .......
I would get a nobel peace prize for this blog
The beginning is its end
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Maybe i should put this in italics so the readers will know that this is just the background music:
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Sung by that damn robotic child ........ maybe i should have another cookie .......... maybe i should have a sandwich
*time skip*
This sandwich is delicious .............. where did i get it from ...... its hard to type and eat this sandwich with one hand
this sandwich is delicious ...... except at the end it ran out of meat ...... in fact it even ran out of veggies too ....... in fact at the end it ran out of bread .......... and it hurt when i bit into it .... wait i finished the sandwich, thats my finger
my finger hurts ....... now how will i type my blog
i know how i will start it though:
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Sung by a young robotic child with a foreign accent
The clock on the wall keeps ticking ..... forward ... forward ... forward .... backward ... no no .... that was just my imagination
MMMM my no nmaed accompliss gives me a snachk........... MMMM cookies delicious !!! ..... Onely Dwiggidy might appreciate this blog....... i should go change those "MMMM"'s in "MMMM cookies delicious !!!" to bold so that they'll match the rest of the sentence "MMMM cookie's delicous" *much better*
This would be funny to write in a blog maybe, if i was to write a blog about blogging about a blog
And i know just how i'd start it !! :
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
I should write this in caps .... WELL NOT REALLY IN CAPS ......... in those pointy shaped thinies "<>"....so people can diffrentiate my inner thoughts from my writings ...
yeah.... well you spell "thingy" wrong ........ but we'd agreed that we would come back and change all the spelling errors .... when we wer normal.......
Oh no you should not have said we ....... now the readers will think we have really gone off the deep end of the ship..... that i'm schitzophenic .....but no i'm jsut a lil high
*now where was i with my story ........ this will win me a noble peace prize*
Off in the distance i hear druming....... and a flute ...... TEE-TEET-TEE-TOOT, TEE-TEET-TEE-TOOT .......
and always this incesant tuning of a pan in the background ..... doesn't this guy ever give up
*Ping Ping pong ping ping pong*
constantly ........... its distracting me from writing this blog ...... Christ !!!
but is that pan really playing or is all in my head ??............. i can't tell ..... the noise seems real enough ........ * ping ping pong, ping ping pong*....... it sounds real but its not, i can predict the notes in my head b4 they are played ...... i should go to the bathroom
oh no !!! .................. in the bathroom the pan tuning has gotten louder which means that i have gone closer to the source of the noise *ping ping pong, ping ping, pong* .... The pan is real !!!
.......... No actually ........ those are just crickets ......
Yuh know ...... we should really write a blog about this .... go to the computer
What's my website again ........ WWW dot ZEE-ZEE-EM-AYE-DEE-EM-AYE-EN at Blogspot dot com
no that's not it !!`......... what the hell is my blogger address ..... shit
Its WWW dot ZEE-ZEE-EM-AYE-DEE-EM-AYE-EN dot Blogspot dot com
- i'm so wasted-
Theirs my blog page ..... its black.........*sign in*
Username ? ummmm ........... "ZEE-ZEE-EM-AYE-DEE-EM-AYE-EN " ........
Password? hmmmm ....... "************" no wait , thats my msn password - *BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE* ......... "**********"
Succcessssssss !!!!
Ok how should i start this ......
I know !!:
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
people will be confused when they read this blog because it goes in circles and circles
offwhere in the distance a slow sole tune is playing ....... you spelt soul wrong its "ESS- OH-YOU-ELL" you moron...... * i just realized that my thoughts are phonetic*
I hear the music, there are children running in an alley across the street, the moss on the rocks in the alley are lavish and green ..... a little 2 green , how do i describe this when i'm typing it ??
"You should go back and change to Italics in ........ something" i can't remember ...... i was distracted by the sound of the children ........ running along their long moss lined alley
This story goes backward and forward
i'm typing it as im living it ...... i typed .... i type ... i typed
my thinking of typing drowned out by the floating blimp with the colourful screen on its side a big white blimp much like the police blimp in trinidad, except its floating really low over the skyscrapers as i stand on the street across the road from the children playing hop scotch in their dismal litlle alley
there is music from a rock band .......... i can hear the words but i cannot understand what they are saying ...... i like the tune...... i bob my head to the music ..... my accompliss is amuzed .... They don't hear the music.....
beyounce plays on the radio of the car as i look up, but the noise is drowned out by the blimp which goes back and forth like a DVD that keeps skipping - over me up above against the backdrop of the brightly coloured orange and navy blue sky....... this big white police - rock playin blimp ..... I feel the cuffs slide on as i am distracted by the blimp ......I'm going to jail ....
but i can't be going to jail ............... because i'm writing this blog
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
offwhere in the distance a south african band plays .... i think their is concert somewhere ..... i would probably hear it better if this dude would stop tuning that infernal pan
i can hear the lead singer, singing but i cannot hear his actual words
i hear the drums, i can hear the guitar.......
i see him playing on a colosal, high def, colourful, giant yet twisted screen ..... on that hologram across the road from my feet ...
this Blog will be so funny in the future .....
*laugh* *laugh* *laugh*
i see his face, but i can't remember his nambe .... BACKSPACE, BACKSPACE ..... You spelt "name" wromge, lol now you spelt "wromg" wrong ......that's what u call ironic ... i wonder if my readers will even get my double entendre .... they might I think .....
Maybe i should delete this whole previous thing ........
I can't think straight because of all this incesant music !!! ...... Off where in the distance i hear a violin and a woman sings to Tina Turner on the gigantic hologram outside my window ........... Why must they have this concert in the middle of the night !?!?! ............ And why is it so sunny outside .......... and why is the sky bright orange with blue clouds!! ........... am i typing all this in my blog ??.......... oh yes my blog !!! .........
i should write a blog about this as soon as i come out of the bathroom ..... these crickets are annoying ............. with them chirping i can't hear the sound of the pan
This blog will be like that movie "Memento" .......
I would get a nobel peace prize for this blog
The beginning is its end
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Maybe i should put this in italics so the readers will know that this is just the background music:
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Sung by that damn robotic child ........ maybe i should have another cookie .......... maybe i should have a sandwich
*time skip*
This sandwich is delicious .............. where did i get it from ...... its hard to type and eat this sandwich with one hand
this sandwich is delicious ...... except at the end it ran out of meat ...... in fact it even ran out of veggies too ....... in fact at the end it ran out of bread .......... and it hurt when i bit into it .... wait i finished the sandwich, thats my finger
my finger hurts ....... now how will i type my blog
i know how i will start it though:
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
This story i'm writin is writing itself !!!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Dying ....
The ZZMaDMan went to the doctor today ....
The DocTor said That the ZZMadMan was dying ...Aparently the ZZMaDMan Has some disease called ..... "Natural Causes"
Aparently he has had it since he was born... it was passed to him from his parents who both had it
He has only 50 to 60 more years to live ...
There is so little time and yet so many things to do .... Its depressing
Before you know it it will all be over and what the ZZMadMan would have to show for it ??
A few broken sticks ??
Its so depressing that The ZZMaDMan thinks he will just throw in the towel ..... kick the bucket ......... give up and cash in early ........ in about 40 years
Now The ZZMadMan wonders what he will do with the rest of his time .... (???)
The DocTor said That the ZZMadMan was dying ...Aparently the ZZMaDMan Has some disease called ..... "Natural Causes"
Aparently he has had it since he was born... it was passed to him from his parents who both had it
He has only 50 to 60 more years to live ...
There is so little time and yet so many things to do .... Its depressing
Before you know it it will all be over and what the ZZMadMan would have to show for it ??
A few broken sticks ??
Its so depressing that The ZZMaDMan thinks he will just throw in the towel ..... kick the bucket ......... give up and cash in early ........ in about 40 years
Now The ZZMadMan wonders what he will do with the rest of his time .... (???)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Why I Will Burn in Hell... (Episode 1 - Facebook Questions)
So everybody is more or less familiar with Facebook (Common .... you know you are..... you read my blog so therefore you have no life ie you also use Facebook)
Anyway ...... On Facebook, one of the millions of add on applications is "Questions"
People add their questions and invite their friends to answer them ....
Well i was bored (which usually leads me into most of my mischief)....... and i was going through all my friends questions and adding my atypical ZZMaDMan Style answers to the mix.
This one particular question caught my eye. Here is the question followed by some of the responses and my response.
Question:
Do you think people who are blind from birth see in their dreams?
Answer:
K.D.J.G. : definitely, i think there are no limitations when it comes to dreams
R.B.: wow melanie, that's a really beautiful and interesting question. i would like to believe god blessed them with the joy to see in their dreams.
A.I.: sure they do...their minds are still working you know
Z.S. : i really think they do...they see in their dreams what they cannot see while awake....dreams are their eyes
ZZ: No ...... I think they dream in Braille lol
Dreams are generally just the interpretation of a persons waking moments ..... hence if they have no experience of sight, i don't think their dreams will be any much more different that what they experience in life
P.S. there is no God !
----------------------------------------
I do believe in God btw ......... i just like to throw people off
he he he
God understands my sense of humour anyway .....
Anyway ...... On Facebook, one of the millions of add on applications is "Questions"
People add their questions and invite their friends to answer them ....
Well i was bored (which usually leads me into most of my mischief)....... and i was going through all my friends questions and adding my atypical ZZMaDMan Style answers to the mix.
This one particular question caught my eye. Here is the question followed by some of the responses and my response.
Question:
Do you think people who are blind from birth see in their dreams?
Answer:
K.D.J.G. : definitely, i think there are no limitations when it comes to dreams
R.B.: wow melanie, that's a really beautiful and interesting question. i would like to believe god blessed them with the joy to see in their dreams.
A.I.: sure they do...their minds are still working you know
Z.S. : i really think they do...they see in their dreams what they cannot see while awake....dreams are their eyes
ZZ: No ...... I think they dream in Braille lol
Dreams are generally just the interpretation of a persons waking moments ..... hence if they have no experience of sight, i don't think their dreams will be any much more different that what they experience in life
P.S. there is no God !
----------------------------------------
I do believe in God btw ......... i just like to throw people off
he he he
God understands my sense of humour anyway .....
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
FALer's ......
F- Fighting
A- a
L-Lime
(*To Lime .........v. to interact socially with others)
Ever since the dawn of popularity there have been FALer's.
People that have felt it necessary to be a part of everything, even- in most cases- where they didn't belong.
You know FALer's right away. They are always just on the outskirts of the lime, they generally have no input- or their input is futile- and everybody thinks that somebody else invited them, when in fact, no one has at all!
They don't belong. Everyone knows they don't belong. Even they, know they don't belong. But the problem is, they think they are tricking everybody else. And they think they are cool.
Now FALers have taken it to a new level ..... Cyber-FALing ....... on Facebook for example.
I was looking at a group on Facebook - "For the Love of Dreadlocks"
Then I looked at it's group members........... 90% of them were not dread's
Then I thought ........ hey maybe they are girls that like guys with dreads [dreads like me ;-)]
But alas no......... it was not .... the group was mostly guys..... guys without dreads......... They were FALer's
A- a
L-Lime
(*To Lime .........v. to interact socially with others)
Ever since the dawn of popularity there have been FALer's.
People that have felt it necessary to be a part of everything, even- in most cases- where they didn't belong.
You know FALer's right away. They are always just on the outskirts of the lime, they generally have no input- or their input is futile- and everybody thinks that somebody else invited them, when in fact, no one has at all!
They don't belong. Everyone knows they don't belong. Even they, know they don't belong. But the problem is, they think they are tricking everybody else. And they think they are cool.
Now FALers have taken it to a new level ..... Cyber-FALing ....... on Facebook for example.
I was looking at a group on Facebook - "For the Love of Dreadlocks"
Then I looked at it's group members........... 90% of them were not dread's
Then I thought ........ hey maybe they are girls that like guys with dreads [dreads like me ;-)]
But alas no......... it was not .... the group was mostly guys..... guys without dreads......... They were FALer's
How lame ....
Needless, to say I did not join the group
I-an-I ah go back to sell my nuts!..... BOMBACLAAT!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Pain....
I'm no stranger to pain ...
In fact ...... Pain and i have been having a intermittent relationship since 1993 ...
I've had fractures, breaks, sprains, strains and stitches
Do I like pain or look forward to it ? ............ No .......... That would be psycho
Pain is like seeing your ex and having an uncomfortable conversation with them in the mall .... You don't regret it necessarily ........... it just wasn't pleasant
I appreciate pain ........... Pain lets you know that you are alive.
This is your life ......... its ending one minute at a time .....and what have you got to show for it?..... what happy thoughts will you carry to your grave ?........ the weekends you washed your car ?.........or cleaned your house? or drank beer with people who really don't like you?
You don't get injured making macaroni soup ........ maybe burned, but not a full scale injury. You get injured by doing something exciting, by living life to the fullest...... and though it is NOT your goal TO GET INJURED ........... you enjoyed what you were doing when you were.
I just don't want to die without a few scars. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club,
In fact ...... Pain and i have been having a intermittent relationship since 1993 ...
I've had fractures, breaks, sprains, strains and stitches
Do I like pain or look forward to it ? ............ No .......... That would be psycho
Pain is like seeing your ex and having an uncomfortable conversation with them in the mall .... You don't regret it necessarily ........... it just wasn't pleasant
I appreciate pain ........... Pain lets you know that you are alive.
This is your life ......... its ending one minute at a time .....and what have you got to show for it?..... what happy thoughts will you carry to your grave ?........ the weekends you washed your car ?.........or cleaned your house? or drank beer with people who really don't like you?
You don't get injured making macaroni soup ........ maybe burned, but not a full scale injury. You get injured by doing something exciting, by living life to the fullest...... and though it is NOT your goal TO GET INJURED ........... you enjoyed what you were doing when you were.
I just don't want to die without a few scars. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club,
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Life Is ......
Life is 10% what happens to you .....
And 90% how you respond to it.
I just saw this quote on a wall downstairs....... Literally 2 minutes ago .....
And I thought ............ Hey maaaaaan, that is so fucking true ........
(I've incorporated curse words into my blogs)
Some would say some people are just unlucky in life .......... but as anyone who had a secondary school education would tell you .......... That's highly impossible.
You are as likely to have something randomly bad happen to you as ............ ANYBODY ELSE!!!
That's logical .......
But some people have continuously bad things happen to them ...... not so? ...... without a doubt?? Then how does this theory of equal negative probability correlate to some people having more bad things happen to them than others??
Quite simply put .......... Its because they suck!! lol
Everybody has shitty things happen to them ....... but some people are just shitty and their responses to life's unpredictabilities propagate further shittiness happening.
Life is a continuum ....... its not random isolated events. One thing literally leads to/affects another. The correlation is skewed due to causality of one event to another.
So if you have negative responses........... negative things will continue to occur
It all boils down to your disposition........... In the last 2 weeks, I've had my car flooded out by storm water, my wing mirror on my car got broken which i replaced for $200- to have the replacement break in my hands, I sprained ALL the ligaments in my left hand which limits my movements, and I've had uncomfortable conversations with my most recent ex while locking off the only other girl i was liming with (i wouldn't go so far as to call her a potential)
But am I unhappy? ..............
I don't think so ....... That's just life......
Shitty things happen ............ and some people just happen to be be shitty....
Future event all depend on how you respond to current ones
So get a life and stop whining !!! LOL
And 90% how you respond to it.
I just saw this quote on a wall downstairs....... Literally 2 minutes ago .....
And I thought ............ Hey maaaaaan, that is so fucking true ........
(I've incorporated curse words into my blogs)
Some would say some people are just unlucky in life .......... but as anyone who had a secondary school education would tell you .......... That's highly impossible.
You are as likely to have something randomly bad happen to you as ............ ANYBODY ELSE!!!
That's logical .......
But some people have continuously bad things happen to them ...... not so? ...... without a doubt?? Then how does this theory of equal negative probability correlate to some people having more bad things happen to them than others??
Quite simply put .......... Its because they suck!! lol
Everybody has shitty things happen to them ....... but some people are just shitty and their responses to life's unpredictabilities propagate further shittiness happening.
Life is a continuum ....... its not random isolated events. One thing literally leads to/affects another. The correlation is skewed due to causality of one event to another.
So if you have negative responses........... negative things will continue to occur
It all boils down to your disposition........... In the last 2 weeks, I've had my car flooded out by storm water, my wing mirror on my car got broken which i replaced for $200- to have the replacement break in my hands, I sprained ALL the ligaments in my left hand which limits my movements, and I've had uncomfortable conversations with my most recent ex while locking off the only other girl i was liming with (i wouldn't go so far as to call her a potential)
But am I unhappy? ..............
I don't think so ....... That's just life......
Shitty things happen ............ and some people just happen to be be shitty....
Future event all depend on how you respond to current ones
So get a life and stop whining !!! LOL
A Conversation With God ...
There He would be....
Sitting across from me on His long oak desk. Hanging on the wall behind Him, all His diplomas, on His mantle, a full scale replica of the Universe. He'd be looking sternly at all the reports that had just been handed to Him, shuffled in His chic leather organiser.
Then looking up at me under his thick white bushy brows, He'd slightly lean forward with his hands on the table. Like a massive cloud that looms to block out the sky His robes would seem to block the robust cashmere wall behind, where He hung all of His achievements. Impending Like a brewing storm in all His Greatness, He would ask:
"What is this?" and he'd flick His hand at the files that lay before Him,
"What is this Crap?!"
"Is This what you have done to improve the world? Is this the contribution you have made to ease pain and suffering??
"Is This what you have done to improve the world? Is this the contribution you have made to ease pain and suffering??
And I would respond:
"But God! I made them pliable for You Oh Lord! .... I eliminated their need for materialistic possessions and meaningless distractions by depriving them of everything which truly did not matter."
"I weeded out their weak and their sick and I made the survivors so afraid that they looked to You for Salvation."
"I've build an empire for you, on the backs of the faithful."
"I weeded out their weak and their sick and I made the survivors so afraid that they looked to You for Salvation."
"I've build an empire for you, on the backs of the faithful."
"Have I not brought more followers to your alter than all your religious institutions combined?"
"Does not anything bring a man closer to God than Fear?"
And the Lord would say:
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!.......I don't approve of this way! ...... Didn't you realize that each of you is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness?"
" Can't you see that you are all manifestations of love?"
And I would look to God behind his desk, stopping the taking of notes on my small yellow steno pad, and would think to myself:
" Can't you see that you are all manifestations of love?"
And I would look to God behind his desk, stopping the taking of notes on my small yellow steno pad, and would think to myself:
^A manifestation of love?? We were the slaves of the society we created .....we lived for the sake of living and died without accomplishment......What is this He is saying? HAVE I GOT THIS ALL WRONG!!? THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE !!^
"We are not special." I'd say "We are not mindless beings, either. We just are. We just are, and only what we have accomplished becomes our legacy.... specialness is a reward not a gift".
"No, that's not right!! That's not what I intended! ........
Where are you going?? Listen to Me!!"
God would exclaim as I rose from His plush leather chairs and headed to His massive carved Walnut doors.
"Oh Yeah God?! ....... Whatever!! ........"
You can't teach God nothing anyway!!
"No, that's not right!! That's not what I intended! ........
Where are you going?? Listen to Me!!"
God would exclaim as I rose from His plush leather chairs and headed to His massive carved Walnut doors.
"Oh Yeah God?! ....... Whatever!! ........"
You can't teach God nothing anyway!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Rules ...
Rules ....... as they say ........ were meant to be broken ....
but not by everyone ........ and not all the time ..... and not all together ......
but broken none the less
It is the very essence of humanity to want to break rules ........ sometimes even, for no apparent reason
Not that i am one to be all biblical ........ but just look at the story of Adam and Eve .... the very "first" humans (according to some old Jewish fellas) ........
Adam and Eve ......... i don't believe in as actual people...... but rather as representatives of Humanity in a literary theological sense ........ ate an apple
They ate an Apple even after God ........ the Almighty Creator of the Universe God said "Don't eat that damn Apple" ......... Man, That's God right there ...... That ain't no bullshit .... its not your Mother, it ain't your Church, it ain't the Law ........ ITS GOD ........... THE ALMIGHTY GOD......
THE ALMIGHTY GOD said "Don't eat the apple!!" ...... and they ate it anyway
And why? ......... cuz a snake said "Hey maaaaan, you wanna get high? I got just the shit you need ......... apple maaaan ....... You take this shit and it'll take you to heeeaaaveeennnnn!!"
A fucking snake ....... and with no guarantees, no demonstration, not even a proof of purchase ....... They disobeyed GOD ....... ALMIGHTY GOD .....
And what did they get for it ........ some leafy underwear and a one way pass out of the Garden of Eden ..... But isn't that what life is all about ..... stretching the realities of what is possible or available ....... damning all consequences ....... I think this is what being human is all about
And also ......... they say Adam and Eve were without sin (original sin) before they were kicked out of the Garden ......... But to even contemplate eating the apple after GOD ........ ALMIGHTY GOD ........ said "Don't eat that damn apple!" ...... means that they already been born with sinful intentions ........ i.e. if the first humans were sinful ......... and they represented all humans ..... then all humans are sinful .......... theoretically ......... or at least inclined to sin
Now being a logical and good GOD who created these beings must have created them with a sinful intent purposefully and hence He knew we were inclined to break rules ..... for GOD makes no mistakes ........ (I won't go into the "He created us in his own image and likeness" bit before you religies have a fit).... He made us with sinful intents ..... but why?
Because sometimes you need to break a rule to overcome an obstacle....... sometimes you need to break some rules to get things done .... sometimes u need to break a rules just to see what would happen
if nothing broke rules we would never have evolved ...... muhahaha (creationism sucks!!)
So break a rule sometime ....... a small one ........... we don't want all out chaos after all ..... but break one none the less .... its your Human Right ..... LOL
but not by everyone ........ and not all the time ..... and not all together ......
but broken none the less
It is the very essence of humanity to want to break rules ........ sometimes even, for no apparent reason
Not that i am one to be all biblical ........ but just look at the story of Adam and Eve .... the very "first" humans (according to some old Jewish fellas) ........
Adam and Eve ......... i don't believe in as actual people...... but rather as representatives of Humanity in a literary theological sense ........ ate an apple
They ate an Apple even after God ........ the Almighty Creator of the Universe God said "Don't eat that damn Apple" ......... Man, That's God right there ...... That ain't no bullshit .... its not your Mother, it ain't your Church, it ain't the Law ........ ITS GOD ........... THE ALMIGHTY GOD......
THE ALMIGHTY GOD said "Don't eat the apple!!" ...... and they ate it anyway
And why? ......... cuz a snake said "Hey maaaaan, you wanna get high? I got just the shit you need ......... apple maaaan ....... You take this shit and it'll take you to heeeaaaveeennnnn!!"
A fucking snake ....... and with no guarantees, no demonstration, not even a proof of purchase ....... They disobeyed GOD ....... ALMIGHTY GOD .....
And what did they get for it ........ some leafy underwear and a one way pass out of the Garden of Eden ..... But isn't that what life is all about ..... stretching the realities of what is possible or available ....... damning all consequences ....... I think this is what being human is all about
And also ......... they say Adam and Eve were without sin (original sin) before they were kicked out of the Garden ......... But to even contemplate eating the apple after GOD ........ ALMIGHTY GOD ........ said "Don't eat that damn apple!" ...... means that they already been born with sinful intentions ........ i.e. if the first humans were sinful ......... and they represented all humans ..... then all humans are sinful .......... theoretically ......... or at least inclined to sin
Now being a logical and good GOD who created these beings must have created them with a sinful intent purposefully and hence He knew we were inclined to break rules ..... for GOD makes no mistakes ........ (I won't go into the "He created us in his own image and likeness" bit before you religies have a fit).... He made us with sinful intents ..... but why?
Because sometimes you need to break a rule to overcome an obstacle....... sometimes you need to break some rules to get things done .... sometimes u need to break a rules just to see what would happen
if nothing broke rules we would never have evolved ...... muhahaha (creationism sucks!!)
So break a rule sometime ....... a small one ........... we don't want all out chaos after all ..... but break one none the less .... its your Human Right ..... LOL
The Life and Times ......... (Toilet Terror)
So I've had no inspiration for these blogs for quite along time ..... mainly because i try to stick to my genre of being off the wall and out of the ordinary .... and i could think of anything specific
But sometimes everyday life can be just as weird and interesting ....
So I'm starting my new series ........ The Life and Times of ZZMaDMan
All perfectly true stories about the ordinarily off the wall things that happen to me on a day to day basis .........
My First Story ........... Toilet Terror:
I'm what you might call a POP .......... a Particularly Observant Person (just made that up ;) thank u very much) ........
And i take pride in my POP abilities ........ (which may seem contradictory by the time u get to the end of this story)
I like to observe the little things that most people miss ........ it gives me a false sense of intellectual superiority ...... which albeit false is immensely satisfying.
"Oh you didn't notice that the 4th picture frame was tilted slightly to the left ?!..... ha ha ......I did!! " I would scoff mentally at the imbeciles who were so daft.
As i said ......... I take pride in my powers of observerance
Last week however ......... these abilities were tested to the max .....
I, generally being of human composition, found myself having to use the toilet facilities on a fair Friday afternoon....... in other words............ i had to buss a piss ...
I opened the grey, marble finished, laminated door of the MALE bathroom and entered. The door was unlocked ........... therefore someone was inside the bathroom already, as the door, i had observed, was always usually locked unless someone was inside
But sometimes everyday life can be just as weird and interesting ....
So I'm starting my new series ........ The Life and Times of ZZMaDMan
All perfectly true stories about the ordinarily off the wall things that happen to me on a day to day basis .........
My First Story ........... Toilet Terror:
I'm what you might call a POP .......... a Particularly Observant Person (just made that up ;) thank u very much) ........
And i take pride in my POP abilities ........ (which may seem contradictory by the time u get to the end of this story)
I like to observe the little things that most people miss ........ it gives me a false sense of intellectual superiority ...... which albeit false is immensely satisfying.
"Oh you didn't notice that the 4th picture frame was tilted slightly to the left ?!..... ha ha ......I did!! " I would scoff mentally at the imbeciles who were so daft.
As i said ......... I take pride in my powers of observerance
Last week however ......... these abilities were tested to the max .....
I, generally being of human composition, found myself having to use the toilet facilities on a fair Friday afternoon....... in other words............ i had to buss a piss ...
I opened the grey, marble finished, laminated door of the MALE bathroom and entered. The door was unlocked ........... therefore someone was inside the bathroom already, as the door, i had observed, was always usually locked unless someone was inside
I entered. Immediately I noticed that something about this particular bathroom was different ......... the layout seemed reversed as compared to normal .....and the fresh scent of lilac air freshener greeted my olfactory senses ........ but i had never used this bathroom before and was accustomed to using the other male bathroom at the other end of the building ..... this bathroom was definitely different ...... i observed ...... but i proceeded anyway.
I entered the left stall ......... it was a toilet stall ......... as opposed to a urinal stall ....... The male bathrooms had both a toilet and urinal stall. Next door, in the urinal stall, i could hear the other occupant shuffling around. He was in the urinal stall of course because i was in the toilet stall ......... obviously.
I started my Piss ....... Next door i could here my neighbour unbuckling his pants ........ that was strange ..... as i had observed that he was in the urinal stall...... he was moving quite alot ...... for those of you who are not familiar with the processes of the male urinal utilisation i can break it down for you in 3 easy steps
Unzip, Flip, Drip............ you can work it out
This guy seemed to be rather complicating things with all this noisy unbuckling i observed ....
It seemed funny at the time ........... This guy must be fat or something ......... or disabled ....... i was curious ............ i was almost tempted to look over the barrier ......... it was already low .... all i had to do was tip toe ............ but that would break the male code of honour ...... Absolutely NO PEEKING ........... and it is a good thing i didn't too !!
so i finish up .......... i observe that this Fat Disabled man is still peeing ...... and i decide to wash my hands decidedly slowly to be able to further observe (maco) this strange Male phenomenon ........He is done........... he is cumbersomely re-buckling his pants .... the moment draws near ............. I look down to avert suspicion ..... my poise is positively uninterested .... but i am a viper waiting to strike an observing blow...........
And then i notice something ....... the key to the bathroom ....*buckling noises*...... laying so unassumingly on the counter ...*buckle buckle*....... the red bathroom key ......*buckle buckle buckle*....... but the bathroom key to male bathroom isn't red ...... none of them are - i had observed ......... hmmm ....*buckle buckle*....... the female key is red .....*buckle buckle*....... what is the female key doing in the male bathroom............ *buckle buckle ziiiiiip*..............they'd be out any minute now ......
OH SHIT I'M IN THE FEMALE BATHROOM !!!
(I had failed to observe that)
In an instant i had changed from stalking predator .......... to just stalker !!
Got to get out .............. Run !!
How could i be so unobservant !
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Guess who's back with a rusty cutlass ...
Yawn ............ streeeeeeeetch .......... scratch scratch scratch
I have not been here in a while ! ................. in fact, when i opened up the web page i saw a small spider building a web in the corner of it (hows that for the world wide web)*
*(i know - very stale)
But what can i say, i've been running out of ideas- maybe........... i'm lazy, definitely ...... the list goes on and on
But after much encouragement (aka buffs) from my "devoted" (aka bored) fans
I am making an effort to return to the life of a rogue blogger
Yeah ............. forgive this poor excuse at entertainment
I got to go ........... Its 4:32 bitches ....................... hooooome time !!!
I have not been here in a while ! ................. in fact, when i opened up the web page i saw a small spider building a web in the corner of it (hows that for the world wide web)*
*(i know - very stale)
But what can i say, i've been running out of ideas- maybe........... i'm lazy, definitely ...... the list goes on and on
But after much encouragement (aka buffs) from my "devoted" (aka bored) fans
I am making an effort to return to the life of a rogue blogger
Yeah ............. forgive this poor excuse at entertainment
I got to go ........... Its 4:32 bitches ....................... hooooome time !!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Is that Chocolate ???
I taste Chocolate in the back of my mouth .......... i don't know why
for one i haven't eaten anything chocolate in nature ..............
and for 2 i've brushed my teeth several time since i started tasting it ....... i think i'm going mad
I am sick ............. maybe that has to do with it
There are lot more ways, to be worse off, than tasting chocolate in the back of your mouth when u have a flu I suppose ....
Maybe that's why my sister keeps smelling my mucus ridden tissues .............. she wants to catch my disease ..........
for one i haven't eaten anything chocolate in nature ..............
and for 2 i've brushed my teeth several time since i started tasting it ....... i think i'm going mad
I am sick ............. maybe that has to do with it
There are lot more ways, to be worse off, than tasting chocolate in the back of your mouth when u have a flu I suppose ....
Maybe that's why my sister keeps smelling my mucus ridden tissues .............. she wants to catch my disease ..........
Life Beckons .......
Ok ok .......... i eh write in a while ..... forgive me
All my life i wanted to be a civil engineer, even before i knew what that was. Ever since my mom gave me that plastic hammer and screwdriver set at the tender age of 2 ............ ever since i built those cities out of cardboard boxes in my room and drove those Coca-Cola Corgi Cars through them. I planned to build and have the profession that would allow me to do so.
All my life i wanted to be a civil engineer, even before i knew what that was. Ever since my mom gave me that plastic hammer and screwdriver set at the tender age of 2 ............ ever since i built those cities out of cardboard boxes in my room and drove those Coca-Cola Corgi Cars through them. I planned to build and have the profession that would allow me to do so.
Planned it all to a T:
Step 1) Pass Common entrance after 7 years of schooling to get into a "Prestige School" - Thus affording me the opportunity to get a "better" education ( well that was a shocker)
Step 1) Pass Common entrance after 7 years of schooling to get into a "Prestige School" - Thus affording me the opportunity to get a "better" education ( well that was a shocker)
Step 2) Go to school and study for 5 years to do well in CXC to be able to A'Levels
Step3) Do well in A'Levels after 2 years of studying to get into a good University
Step4) Do 4 years of University to complete my degree to be a civil engineer
Step5) Get a job as a Civil Engineer ..... Hurray !!
Yeah !! ......... 18 years of school and 2 years of working.......wooo hooo !!........... 20 years of my life to reach to this point ......... Yessssss !!!! What a valiant usage of time !
Sure the details were loose, but the goals were defined ....... and i achieved them all !!
Now on to Step 6!!
Step 6) ........................ Um .............. Hmmmmmm ....... *scratch my head* ................. ????
Maybe i should do something else .......... engineering sucks ass
(Please don't smite me oh lord of concrete)
Do i do this for the rest of my life .......... what does one do when one runs out of goals ? Life Beckons but i have no response ......
Oh well at least I'll keep trodding ......... Engineering can't be that bad ...............
After all - God was the first civil engineer ......
(The Devil, however, was the first lawyer)
muhahaha
Step 6) ........... RULE THE WORLD !!! ..............
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
White People ...
Warning - This post is somewhat racist and mainly generalistic lol
For all the atrocities that the White race has subjected to all the other races over the centuries you can't help but respect them.
I mean, surely not every person of any particular race can be exactly classified into any one specific stereotype - but you have to admit that when taken as collective, most stereotypes do hold true and are often based in at least some perceived reality if not actual fact.
And though i am glad to be of my race (which is not White) and do not glorify any of the things that other races have been subjected to, I can observe objectively and comment sillyly on my general observarences
And this comes to my collective assessment of White People:
In my line of work, (insert blank here), i often deal with foreigners; but especially white foreigners. And i have realised certain generic trends among them.
For one White people are driven, they get shit done, they don't waste time.
When they want something, they will get it, by the hook or by the crook. And they show no mercy when bargaining.
Secondly, by their mannerisms, they're generally non threatening. I mean of all the races, who would u fear the least......... White People not so?
Lastly, white people are persistent, they just keep trying until they get what they want. Even if it takes forever.
These three things in combination make white people the most dangerous race of all. They take what they want, they will wait you out forever, and they'll do it with a smile so you'll never see it coming. No, wonder they have been so successful at taking over the world.
I mean just look at it, in terms of world population, they ARE the minority, and i wouldn't go so far as to peg them as either the smartest race OR the most physically intimidating. And they are definitely not "cool". But they are the richest race, (as a collective). Why is that?
What has made them so dreaded? Just ambition? They have an instinct to win over and suppress anything and anyone under any circumstances. "Nature? No problem, just give me an axe. Beasts, don't worry about it, just give me a gun. People? No Worries, just gimme a whip!"
An urge to conquer all. Who does all those life threatening extreme sports and exploring and adventure? Black people? Oh no! Black people like being safe. Its the same thing that sits White People at the top of all major organisations (including BET and Sony {Japanese}). Drive and Conquest.
Its as if its in their blood.
I could just imagine in the beginning of times their was a tribunal of all the races....... and the white man was kicked out for being different. (You know how the albino's always get rejected and ostracized in nature)...... and its as if that first Caucasian looked back at everybody scowling and said:
"REVENGE IS MINE!! I WILL GET YOU ALL! You will all grovel at my feet and beg for mercy !! Even if it takes a million years I will put each and every one of you in chains !!"
And everybody else around the campfire just *steupsed and said:
"Crazy white man, that'll NEVER happen!! Go live in the cold with your hairy ass! Can't u see we are eating Caribou soup!!"
And now the white man runs the world.
THE END
(*To steups: v. to suck one's teeth in discontent)
For all the atrocities that the White race has subjected to all the other races over the centuries you can't help but respect them.
I mean, surely not every person of any particular race can be exactly classified into any one specific stereotype - but you have to admit that when taken as collective, most stereotypes do hold true and are often based in at least some perceived reality if not actual fact.
And though i am glad to be of my race (which is not White) and do not glorify any of the things that other races have been subjected to, I can observe objectively and comment sillyly on my general observarences
And this comes to my collective assessment of White People:
In my line of work, (insert blank here), i often deal with foreigners; but especially white foreigners. And i have realised certain generic trends among them.
For one White people are driven, they get shit done, they don't waste time.
When they want something, they will get it, by the hook or by the crook. And they show no mercy when bargaining.
Secondly, by their mannerisms, they're generally non threatening. I mean of all the races, who would u fear the least......... White People not so?
Lastly, white people are persistent, they just keep trying until they get what they want. Even if it takes forever.
These three things in combination make white people the most dangerous race of all. They take what they want, they will wait you out forever, and they'll do it with a smile so you'll never see it coming. No, wonder they have been so successful at taking over the world.
I mean just look at it, in terms of world population, they ARE the minority, and i wouldn't go so far as to peg them as either the smartest race OR the most physically intimidating. And they are definitely not "cool". But they are the richest race, (as a collective). Why is that?
What has made them so dreaded? Just ambition? They have an instinct to win over and suppress anything and anyone under any circumstances. "Nature? No problem, just give me an axe. Beasts, don't worry about it, just give me a gun. People? No Worries, just gimme a whip!"
An urge to conquer all. Who does all those life threatening extreme sports and exploring and adventure? Black people? Oh no! Black people like being safe. Its the same thing that sits White People at the top of all major organisations (including BET and Sony {Japanese}). Drive and Conquest.
Its as if its in their blood.
I could just imagine in the beginning of times their was a tribunal of all the races....... and the white man was kicked out for being different. (You know how the albino's always get rejected and ostracized in nature)...... and its as if that first Caucasian looked back at everybody scowling and said:
"REVENGE IS MINE!! I WILL GET YOU ALL! You will all grovel at my feet and beg for mercy !! Even if it takes a million years I will put each and every one of you in chains !!"
And everybody else around the campfire just *steupsed and said:
"Crazy white man, that'll NEVER happen!! Go live in the cold with your hairy ass! Can't u see we are eating Caribou soup!!"
And now the white man runs the world.
THE END
(*To steups: v. to suck one's teeth in discontent)
Friday, June 29, 2007
Murder in Maraval ...
The authorities were alerted on Monday 25th June, 2007 when an unidentified decomposing body was discovered behind a dumpster at Royal Castle on Maraval Rd. The body, which was found by the sales representative who wishes to remain anonymous, was said to have been discarded wrapped in plastic bags and exhibiting marks of extreme violence.
Upon interviewing, Maurice Samson, the Head Investigative Officer at the Port-of-Spain Forensic Investigation Department, had these words to say:
“This is the most extreme case of violence that we at the P.O.S.F.I.D. have ever seen since the inception of the department. The body was severely mutilated; cut as it seemed into quarters. The head and feet were missing as well as the internal organs and large chunks of flesh from the leg and thigh areas. Most disturbing of all was that the body bore human teeth marks all over it.”
It was later confirmed by the P.O.S.F.I.D that the cadaver was indeed half-eaten.
It was later confirmed by the P.O.S.F.I.D that the cadaver was indeed half-eaten.
The body was described as being small- only 8-10 inches in length and estimated to be about 6 to 8 pounds which further raised questions to the nature of the crime. Upon chemical analysis at the lab it was revealed that the body had been lightly battered in a flour based product posthumously and fried in a zero trans-fat soybean oil. Also detected through toxicological analysis were traces of eleven herbs and spices, ketchup, mustard and pasted hot peppers.
Police are continuing to investigate, saying that they suspect that this crime will happen again. An obese negro man has since been held for questioning.
Monday, June 25, 2007
What is The Point ???
Ok ...... so ur a kid ...... yo go to school everyday with the ambition of doing well ........ to go on and "be what you want to be".
So you study hard and try to do well in school so you can get into a good secondary school and eventually a good college.
Then you go to college and you work hard ...... studying (or at least trying to study) to do well, get a good degree and get a great job.
Then you get out of university, your degree isn't as great as you wanted it to be ....... mainly due to sexual pursuits/pursuers , liming and alcohol ...... but that's besides the point you have ur degree....... its good enough to enter into the work force.......... you screen your opportunities carefully for salary desires, work environment and perks and you choose the best job available to you.
Ah yes !! Your life is set!! ........ you get that great job, the pinnacle of all that u have worked to accomplish over the last 20 or so odd years of your life. You have a boss, your boss is cool, you got no marital, family or financial problems ..... at least not yet. Everything is fantastic ............... working this job that you so strived for .......... everyday .......... doing the same thing .......... everyday ........ until you die ............... how exciting ...........
So you study hard and try to do well in school so you can get into a good secondary school and eventually a good college.
Then you go to college and you work hard ...... studying (or at least trying to study) to do well, get a good degree and get a great job.
Then you get out of university, your degree isn't as great as you wanted it to be ....... mainly due to sexual pursuits/pursuers , liming and alcohol ...... but that's besides the point you have ur degree....... its good enough to enter into the work force.......... you screen your opportunities carefully for salary desires, work environment and perks and you choose the best job available to you.
Ah yes !! Your life is set!! ........ you get that great job, the pinnacle of all that u have worked to accomplish over the last 20 or so odd years of your life. You have a boss, your boss is cool, you got no marital, family or financial problems ..... at least not yet. Everything is fantastic ............... working this job that you so strived for .......... everyday .......... doing the same thing .......... everyday ........ until you die ............... how exciting ...........
Sure u might get promoted in your boring little bubble of experience.......... sure u may find "love" and produce offspring ................ but is this the sole purpose of your existence? .............. to be a hamster in a the wheel of life just running and running and running. Turning the conveyor of society, and breeding to produce more hamsters that will join the work force and run in their own little wheels in 20 years........ how exciting.
Yeah u may get that promotion, new car, house etc. ......... But isn't that just like getting a shiny new wheel in the ever existent cage??
Oh hamsters of the world ........... what have you really accomplished in life? What is your mark in history? ........... 20 years of preparation to run on a wheel...... and when u die you'll just be buried in a shoe box .....
What is the point ???
Yeah u may get that promotion, new car, house etc. ......... But isn't that just like getting a shiny new wheel in the ever existent cage??
Oh hamsters of the world ........... what have you really accomplished in life? What is your mark in history? ........... 20 years of preparation to run on a wheel...... and when u die you'll just be buried in a shoe box .....
What is the point ???
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Woman Swallowed by Black-Hole
A young woman and her two young children have gone missing today, in what has been reported to be a disaster involving a black-hole vortex. Lisa Seetaram, 22, of Monkeytown Village and her two young children, Krystal and Moonesh, were reportedly discovered missing by her common law husband Baldeo Ramroop on the night of Tuesday June 19th. Baldeo, in a drunken state, staggered into his house on that faithful night, not only to find his wife and two small children missing, but also a whirlwind of destruction.
"Ah did come home hoping to rupes up mih wife dey" a visibly distraught Baldeo stated, "But she wasn't dey and de whole place was mash een!". Baldeo further went on to say "Oh gawd ah go miss she eh, i mean i did used to give she lil licks an ting, but ah did love she bad bad".
Upon Baldeo's discovery, the police were immediately dispatched to investigate. At a press conference released later that day, Sgnt. Michael Samuels of the Special Branch Police Investigations Unit had this to say
"In conjunction with experts from the University of the West Indies, we believe that Miss Seetaram and her two children were swallowed by a black-hole vortex that was created mysteriously in her kitchen. It is also speculated that a number of other items from the household including clothes, some suitcases, some documents including plane tickets, food and a few small appliances were also sucked in. The police have however not ruled out foul play, and will continue investigating."
Also speaking at the press conference, Space-Time expert, Professor Stephen Giff had this to say:
"We have come to believe that this anomaly was created when Miss Seetaram, upon removing the last new garbage bag from a box of garbage bags, opened the bag and placed the box into it. The beginning had thus become the end creating a rip in the space-time continuum from which the vortex was created. Miss Seetaram and her children were believed to be sucked into this with the rest of the house being left in shambles."
Upon hearing of the incident, the Honourable Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago had this to say:
"It is definitely a concern of the Government of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, that vortices can be created in this fair island that have such disastrous potential. The PNM Government will make a concentrated effort to investigate the matter thoroughly and contain this garbage bag crisis." He further went on to say "We will stamp this out in the east, we will stamp it out in the west, we will stamp it out up north and we we stamp it out down south!!"
The Opposition Leader, however, had this to say
"Its the PNM's fault that this happened. Clearly the PNM has an agenda to remove voter's from UNC constituencies. The people of Trinidad will not stand for this and we will march through Port-of-Spain"
"Ah did come home hoping to rupes up mih wife dey" a visibly distraught Baldeo stated, "But she wasn't dey and de whole place was mash een!". Baldeo further went on to say "Oh gawd ah go miss she eh, i mean i did used to give she lil licks an ting, but ah did love she bad bad".
Upon Baldeo's discovery, the police were immediately dispatched to investigate. At a press conference released later that day, Sgnt. Michael Samuels of the Special Branch Police Investigations Unit had this to say
"In conjunction with experts from the University of the West Indies, we believe that Miss Seetaram and her two children were swallowed by a black-hole vortex that was created mysteriously in her kitchen. It is also speculated that a number of other items from the household including clothes, some suitcases, some documents including plane tickets, food and a few small appliances were also sucked in. The police have however not ruled out foul play, and will continue investigating."
Also speaking at the press conference, Space-Time expert, Professor Stephen Giff had this to say:
"We have come to believe that this anomaly was created when Miss Seetaram, upon removing the last new garbage bag from a box of garbage bags, opened the bag and placed the box into it. The beginning had thus become the end creating a rip in the space-time continuum from which the vortex was created. Miss Seetaram and her children were believed to be sucked into this with the rest of the house being left in shambles."
Upon hearing of the incident, the Honourable Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago had this to say:
"It is definitely a concern of the Government of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, that vortices can be created in this fair island that have such disastrous potential. The PNM Government will make a concentrated effort to investigate the matter thoroughly and contain this garbage bag crisis." He further went on to say "We will stamp this out in the east, we will stamp it out in the west, we will stamp it out up north and we we stamp it out down south!!"
The Opposition Leader, however, had this to say
"Its the PNM's fault that this happened. Clearly the PNM has an agenda to remove voter's from UNC constituencies. The people of Trinidad will not stand for this and we will march through Port-of-Spain"
The CEO of the alleged garbage bag company was also contacted, but claimed that the entire situation was too ridiculous for comment.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Loch-ness Vagrant .....
There he was ........ a shadowy figure flickering at the edge of my range vision on that dark and drizzly night.
I wasn't sure if it was him or if my mind was just playing tricks on me. Could it be? ....... could it be the elusive one??
I had seen him once before ...... an anomaly of nature unexplainable. I had told my friends, even my family of his existence. But they scoffed at my discovery....
"Oh its a trick of light!" or "You have such a wild imagination!" they'd say.
But i had known what i had seen. The IRONY was so surreal that i couldn't have imagined it.
After our first encounter, i had sought him out again, driving about aimlessly trying to obtain photographic proof of his being. But it was to no avail, he had eluded me.
And now here he was again, ranting and grunting, shaggy and torn, just feet away from my car....i scrambled for my handy camera-phone....... so many buttons, so little time ....damn you fat fingers!!
It was to no avail...... he was out of range
or was he?
The light turned green, I whipped the car around aiming to make the block. Camera in hand i was ready. I approached the light again with much haste rushing to catch him before he disappeared into the night. And there he was right their in front of ........."Turn around dammit!!" i shouted mentally as he wailed into the wind. The picture would be no good unless i got his front!
The impending green light mangled all notions of patience ..... i had but moments left !!................. "Aye you!! You there !!" i shouted frantically, hanging a dollar out of the window.
But it was to know avail ....... he did not take my bait and went skipping wildly into the night leaving me with but one fuzzy picture. Hardly enough to gain notoriety.
He does exist .............. the vagrant that wears the t-shirt marked "Save Our Jobs" ......
........ he does exist ............
S.O.J. vagrant - last sited at the Uriah Butler Intersection by grand Bazaar
note: still wearing same t-shirt ................ as predicted !!
I wasn't sure if it was him or if my mind was just playing tricks on me. Could it be? ....... could it be the elusive one??
I had seen him once before ...... an anomaly of nature unexplainable. I had told my friends, even my family of his existence. But they scoffed at my discovery....
"Oh its a trick of light!" or "You have such a wild imagination!" they'd say.
But i had known what i had seen. The IRONY was so surreal that i couldn't have imagined it.
After our first encounter, i had sought him out again, driving about aimlessly trying to obtain photographic proof of his being. But it was to no avail, he had eluded me.
And now here he was again, ranting and grunting, shaggy and torn, just feet away from my car....i scrambled for my handy camera-phone....... so many buttons, so little time ....damn you fat fingers!!
It was to no avail...... he was out of range
or was he?
The light turned green, I whipped the car around aiming to make the block. Camera in hand i was ready. I approached the light again with much haste rushing to catch him before he disappeared into the night. And there he was right their in front of ........."Turn around dammit!!" i shouted mentally as he wailed into the wind. The picture would be no good unless i got his front!
The impending green light mangled all notions of patience ..... i had but moments left !!................. "Aye you!! You there !!" i shouted frantically, hanging a dollar out of the window.
But it was to know avail ....... he did not take my bait and went skipping wildly into the night leaving me with but one fuzzy picture. Hardly enough to gain notoriety.
He does exist .............. the vagrant that wears the t-shirt marked "Save Our Jobs" ......
........ he does exist ............
S.O.J. vagrant - last sited at the Uriah Butler Intersection by grand Bazaar
note: still wearing same t-shirt ................ as predicted !!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Natural Selection ...
I was in New York about a year ago and it was the first time that i had ever ridden on a subway ...
Now for those of you have ever ridden on a subway you would know that a subway could be a pretty dangerous thing ... if you are stupid. I mean you could get hit by it if you stand too close or fall onto the rails and get electrocuted for example. But for the number of people that live in New York there there are surprisingly little accidents that happen concerning the subway. You are more likely to get stabbed in the subway than run over by it. My friend however was telling me of a story about someone who tried to put their face against a train as it passed and dying as a result.
Now Flash to Trinidad...... Trinidad will soon be building a Rapid Rail system: The T3 ...
(Don't doubt me ...... I'm an engineer ......... and engineers know everything lol)
But i digress ........
When that rail comes, i can forsee "unfortunate" happenings ........ Trinis are a not accustomed to these things for one ..... and there will always be some jackass who would try some madness (like touching the train as it passes or something to that effect). Now I'm not saying that i think New Yorkers are smarter than Trinidadians; I'm pretty sure that a whole host of new Yorkers have died or have been injured by the subway since its inception, but I'm also sure that the numbers of such people have decreased due to familiarity with the system and people learning from the mistakes of others.
In nature, the weak and the feeble are usually eaten or die naturally. Only the strong and healthy survive thus ensuring the continued strength of the species. The human race, on the other hand, has become so technologically advanced over the millennium that it has become a super-predator with no natural enemies ...... It has no natural selection and thus allows the weak among us to survive and propagate. We have become super-predators due to our intellect and development of technology- our strengths- and therefore, those amongst us lacking intellect and technological savvy can be taken as being the weak.
So when stupid people die as a result of their own stupidity ...... don't feel forlorn ...... its just natural selection..... for humans.
So often we see dumb people doing dumb things and getting hurt, and we say "Hey, someone should redesign that so people don't get hurt - make it idiot proof"......but as you would soon come to realize - there is no such thing as "idiot proof" ..... Idiots are quite resourceful. Idiots get into everything, they go out of their way ignoring signs and crossing barriers to do meaningless acts and end up hurt in the process..... so why stop them??
In fact, maybe we should remove some barriers so we can get rid of them!! By protecting idiots we are just weakening the genetic pool.
The End
And remember folks, this is Bob Barker here reminding you to have your Fool Spaded or Neutered.
Now for those of you have ever ridden on a subway you would know that a subway could be a pretty dangerous thing ... if you are stupid. I mean you could get hit by it if you stand too close or fall onto the rails and get electrocuted for example. But for the number of people that live in New York there there are surprisingly little accidents that happen concerning the subway. You are more likely to get stabbed in the subway than run over by it. My friend however was telling me of a story about someone who tried to put their face against a train as it passed and dying as a result.
Now Flash to Trinidad...... Trinidad will soon be building a Rapid Rail system: The T3 ...
(Don't doubt me ...... I'm an engineer ......... and engineers know everything lol)
But i digress ........
When that rail comes, i can forsee "unfortunate" happenings ........ Trinis are a not accustomed to these things for one ..... and there will always be some jackass who would try some madness (like touching the train as it passes or something to that effect). Now I'm not saying that i think New Yorkers are smarter than Trinidadians; I'm pretty sure that a whole host of new Yorkers have died or have been injured by the subway since its inception, but I'm also sure that the numbers of such people have decreased due to familiarity with the system and people learning from the mistakes of others.
In nature, the weak and the feeble are usually eaten or die naturally. Only the strong and healthy survive thus ensuring the continued strength of the species. The human race, on the other hand, has become so technologically advanced over the millennium that it has become a super-predator with no natural enemies ...... It has no natural selection and thus allows the weak among us to survive and propagate. We have become super-predators due to our intellect and development of technology- our strengths- and therefore, those amongst us lacking intellect and technological savvy can be taken as being the weak.
So when stupid people die as a result of their own stupidity ...... don't feel forlorn ...... its just natural selection..... for humans.
So often we see dumb people doing dumb things and getting hurt, and we say "Hey, someone should redesign that so people don't get hurt - make it idiot proof"......but as you would soon come to realize - there is no such thing as "idiot proof" ..... Idiots are quite resourceful. Idiots get into everything, they go out of their way ignoring signs and crossing barriers to do meaningless acts and end up hurt in the process..... so why stop them??
In fact, maybe we should remove some barriers so we can get rid of them!! By protecting idiots we are just weakening the genetic pool.
The End
And remember folks, this is Bob Barker here reminding you to have your Fool Spaded or Neutered.
Marketing ...
Yesterday i saw a vagrant with a T-shirt on that was printed:
"Save Our Jobs"
And i thought to myself "Now that's marketing !!"
It was almost motivational ..... a vagrant making a statement about unemployment ..... how ironic ....... That's what we need more of in this country "Shock and Awe"
Trinidadians are too laid back ..... we don't take anything seriously until it is up in our faces.... I think we as Trinidadians should embark on a campaign - a serious campaign of making more people aware of the negative realities that exist in our country.
This serious campaign would consist of dressing vagrants up in brightly coloured t-shirts with slogans on them like "I didn't do well in school" and "I used crack cocaine" ......
What better way to convey a message to the youth of T&T - the messages that they seem to be so hard at hearing !?!
We could go to all the parks and squares that are bountifully occupied with these vagabonds and just hand them out ..... maybe even give them a bowl of soup. It won't be exploitation!! ........ they'll get a warm clean t-shirt..... and we'll get our message across. Who knows it might even become the height of hobo fashion.
But why stop there ..... we should take our impressionable young children on field trips too; carrying them to hobo havens: public squares, abandoned buildings and under bridges. This would show them the derelict conditions vagrants live in, their nasty hygiene and their open crack sores. I am sure that this would reduce the number of school drop-outs and improve grades.
We need to take the same aggressive marketing stance that we as a society use to sell candy and sneakers.
We'll call the program "Hobos for Humanity"
These people are already utterly useless members of society ...... they should at least contribute to saving future generations ....
If you can't be an example ... be a warning to others !!
(I tried to get a picture of the vagrant, i swear ......... i'll pass again today to see if i see him .... more than likely he'll have on the same t-shirt - its not like if vagrants have wardrobes)
"Save Our Jobs"
And i thought to myself "Now that's marketing !!"
It was almost motivational ..... a vagrant making a statement about unemployment ..... how ironic ....... That's what we need more of in this country "Shock and Awe"
Trinidadians are too laid back ..... we don't take anything seriously until it is up in our faces.... I think we as Trinidadians should embark on a campaign - a serious campaign of making more people aware of the negative realities that exist in our country.
This serious campaign would consist of dressing vagrants up in brightly coloured t-shirts with slogans on them like "I didn't do well in school" and "I used crack cocaine" ......
What better way to convey a message to the youth of T&T - the messages that they seem to be so hard at hearing !?!
We could go to all the parks and squares that are bountifully occupied with these vagabonds and just hand them out ..... maybe even give them a bowl of soup. It won't be exploitation!! ........ they'll get a warm clean t-shirt..... and we'll get our message across. Who knows it might even become the height of hobo fashion.
But why stop there ..... we should take our impressionable young children on field trips too; carrying them to hobo havens: public squares, abandoned buildings and under bridges. This would show them the derelict conditions vagrants live in, their nasty hygiene and their open crack sores. I am sure that this would reduce the number of school drop-outs and improve grades.
We need to take the same aggressive marketing stance that we as a society use to sell candy and sneakers.
We'll call the program "Hobos for Humanity"
These people are already utterly useless members of society ...... they should at least contribute to saving future generations ....
If you can't be an example ... be a warning to others !!
(I tried to get a picture of the vagrant, i swear ......... i'll pass again today to see if i see him .... more than likely he'll have on the same t-shirt - its not like if vagrants have wardrobes)
Sunday, June 10, 2007
SPRANGERCISES ...
Have you ever seen a fat *spranger ?
I haven't ......... in fact if you were to analyse the physicality of said sprangers you would realize that a spranger is quite fit ...... even ripped !!
*[For those of you unaware....... a spranger n. : a vagabond; a wino. One who generally has no source of steady employment and relies on various odd jobs, be them legal or illegal, to generate income - which is usually dispensed into some form of addiction (usually cocaine). ]
Now that you are adequately informed i will continue .....
Over the past few months i have found myself becoming rather pudgy ..... even dear i say it "fat". Though not a full fledged "Fat-Man" ..... the thought of my overweightness has greatly worried/disgusted me.
I know why i have become this way: a combination or poor diet, lack of exercise and general LAZINESS ........ And i have reached the point where i have decided to do something about it !!
Enter the Spranger ........
I have never seen a fat spranger ....
What is it about a sprangers lifestyle that has made him so trim ?
And what can one do - more particularly a soon to be fat man do- to achieve the superior physical physique of the colloquial spranger.
I have done my analysis and have come up with what i call "The Spranger 500" - a physical fitness regiment that will give you that toned body of a Greek God ...... or Trinidadian Spranger
So what does this entail ?
First of all we must do a thorough analysis of the sprangers existence then mimic his activities in everyday life.
A sprangers daily routine mainly consists of 2 types of activities:
I haven't ......... in fact if you were to analyse the physicality of said sprangers you would realize that a spranger is quite fit ...... even ripped !!
*[For those of you unaware....... a spranger n. : a vagabond; a wino. One who generally has no source of steady employment and relies on various odd jobs, be them legal or illegal, to generate income - which is usually dispensed into some form of addiction (usually cocaine). ]
Now that you are adequately informed i will continue .....
Over the past few months i have found myself becoming rather pudgy ..... even dear i say it "fat". Though not a full fledged "Fat-Man" ..... the thought of my overweightness has greatly worried/disgusted me.
I know why i have become this way: a combination or poor diet, lack of exercise and general LAZINESS ........ And i have reached the point where i have decided to do something about it !!
Enter the Spranger ........
I have never seen a fat spranger ....
What is it about a sprangers lifestyle that has made him so trim ?
And what can one do - more particularly a soon to be fat man do- to achieve the superior physical physique of the colloquial spranger.
I have done my analysis and have come up with what i call "The Spranger 500" - a physical fitness regiment that will give you that toned body of a Greek God ...... or Trinidadian Spranger
So what does this entail ?
First of all we must do a thorough analysis of the sprangers existence then mimic his activities in everyday life.
A sprangers daily routine mainly consists of 2 types of activities:
- Working odd jobs: Washing cars (most predominant), painting houses, small construction activities (usually carrying bricks) and;
- Spranging .................... i.e. teifing
When we analyse these activities, we find that they constitute to the fundamental aspects of physical fitness i.e.:Weight Training (a spranger is alsways toting something .... be it buckets of water or bricks) ........ and Cardiovascular Activity (Spranging clearly involves ALOT of running and jumping)
So our exercises will hold true to these activities starting with a strict regime of daily bucket lifting/brick toting exercises; starting with paint sized buckets and increasing bucket sizes and no of bricks toted as the program progresses.
Also a program will be developed of short running, long distance running, and fence jumping exercises.
These Sprangercises are easy to do and only require items that can be found readily available in one of your neighbour's yards thus reaping maximium benifit and minimal financial expense.
In our advanced program these key components are even combined - weight training and cardio. This is accomplished whereby we grab heavy objects and run with them. Most effective training instruments for these activities are television sets, stoves and small fridges.
Note: A coup/riot is the Spranger Olympics
But we can't stop there to attain a true Spranger Physique
Other essential items to the spranger physicality are contributed by:
- Diet & Nutrition - Sprangers eat a low carb, low fat, low protein diet of food usually discarded as the average joe has already stripped the "better" ingredients
- Supplements- essential to any sprangers lifestyle is some form of addiction (usually cocaine). This acts doubly as it motivates the spranger as well as provides additional energy stores for the spranger to perfom his sprangerisms.
So we recommend a diet full of bread skins and half-eaten fruit as well as essential carbohydrates such as day old chinese food. Sprangers love chinese food.
In terms of supplements, we do not recommend the use of cocaine, though it can be QUITE successful in helping one achieve the TRUEST spranger mentality. But caffeine, moderately addictive, and with high energy yields can be substituted for great results !!
Sprangers have been also seen to have an affection for smoking crushed cigarette butts .......... but this practice is left totally to the discretion of the Sprangerciser.
In conclusion the Spranger 500 will be the next great fitness regiment since the Atkins Diet and Pilates ........... try it today!!
For more information call 1-800-ISPRANG ....
Monday, May 7, 2007
ZZTech-Talk: e-buddy ...
E-buddy ........ that msn knock off that i have grown so fond of has reached such high esteem in my eyes that it currently rivals the program of which it was meant to imitate.
This simple web based messenger, patterned after MSN messenger ....... and other inferior messenger systems (AOL, yahoo, etc) that losers prefer to use ....heh heh heh ..... is a most useful and comprehensive web based messenger system.
E-buddy is definitely more adept, faster and more user friendly .... not to mention 147 times better..... than even the web based system provided by msn itself: (http://webmessenger.msn.com/)
I have found this web site most useful in my BRIEF periods of relaxation between diligently and most industriously executing many varied and important tasks for my renowned and prestigious company 'XYZ'.
(yeah ......... as you may have guessed, people from work have discovered my blog)
But i digress ....... e-buddy
Is office firewall user friendly,
Fast on most days .......... allows you to send and receive "nudges"
only uses one window which alternates for each conversation ........ not one window for each conversation ........... a feature i think the MSN program should adopt itself,
and is not watered down with a bunch of doohickeys that you will never use
E-buddy is the best invention since the wheel ......
(http://www.ebuddy.com/)
PS: Yeah I know this post was lame ....... i have writers block
Anyway ........ of to do some "industrious work" there !!
*Nudge !! *
This simple web based messenger, patterned after MSN messenger ....... and other inferior messenger systems (AOL, yahoo, etc) that losers prefer to use ....heh heh heh ..... is a most useful and comprehensive web based messenger system.
E-buddy is definitely more adept, faster and more user friendly .... not to mention 147 times better..... than even the web based system provided by msn itself: (http://webmessenger.msn.com/)
I have found this web site most useful in my BRIEF periods of relaxation between diligently and most industriously executing many varied and important tasks for my renowned and prestigious company 'XYZ'.
(yeah ......... as you may have guessed, people from work have discovered my blog)
But i digress ....... e-buddy
Is office firewall user friendly,
Fast on most days .......... allows you to send and receive "nudges"
only uses one window which alternates for each conversation ........ not one window for each conversation ........... a feature i think the MSN program should adopt itself,
and is not watered down with a bunch of doohickeys that you will never use
E-buddy is the best invention since the wheel ......
(http://www.ebuddy.com/)
PS: Yeah I know this post was lame ....... i have writers block
Anyway ........ of to do some "industrious work" there !!
*Nudge !! *
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
ZZMadMan ..... putting the K in Kwality
Firrst of all let me just say ....... ekscuse any tiepos that you may (or may not) sea in this blog.
Apaaratntly some of you hav had grate concierns about the Kwality of the ZZMadMan's Speelling and his Gramma (who is fine thank you - Grapa too) ....... The ZZMaDMan was knot aware that their had been so manny engrish teachers reeding blog ...... I tank you for your many valyou'd inputs. Lyttle had the ZZMadMan nown that so many Mystakes were avaylable to his mayking. For it nott for your deap Conscernments, and love for the englysh, the ZZMadMan wuold not even bean aware of his Knumorous Inexactitudes.
The ZZMadMna was at first moast upsett about the fone calls and comments reseaved to him from his aparent proffessors reeding this blog....... he dissmissed kritics as beeing commessive and eyedle ....... there staitments made him very most disgruntled ....... he even used upseen werds
But in the Retrospek the, ZZMadMan is pleez to reseve his krticizms and Korections ..... for he know he become a better person
Ten-Q to all my fiends ...... wittout you The ZZMaDman would not bean ayble to complish his gole - nyneteen postses for April month (as set for himself by himself).
You shuld all continyew to exycute your soupeerier powers of Intellek and Cummunikasion on ZZMadMans blog and blogs oil owver the galaxie. We can olways you's a litle somewon looking owver hour sholder, pointing out hour mynewtess floors and mysstakes. It clarely bilds caracters. Ceep up the gud whirks. Stryve for perfeksion !! Sea if you can eradikate all erors evrywier, ferder Nuledge an evan bring Werld piece !!
The ZZMaDmAn Tanks you wunce agane
Apaaratntly some of you hav had grate concierns about the Kwality of the ZZMadMan's Speelling and his Gramma (who is fine thank you - Grapa too) ....... The ZZMaDMan was knot aware that their had been so manny engrish teachers reeding blog ...... I tank you for your many valyou'd inputs. Lyttle had the ZZMadMan nown that so many Mystakes were avaylable to his mayking. For it nott for your deap Conscernments, and love for the englysh, the ZZMadMan wuold not even bean aware of his Knumorous Inexactitudes.
The ZZMadMna was at first moast upsett about the fone calls and comments reseaved to him from his aparent proffessors reeding this blog....... he dissmissed kritics as beeing commessive and eyedle ....... there staitments made him very most disgruntled ....... he even used upseen werds
But in the Retrospek the, ZZMadMan is pleez to reseve his krticizms and Korections ..... for he know he become a better person
Ten-Q to all my fiends ...... wittout you The ZZMaDman would not bean ayble to complish his gole - nyneteen postses for April month (as set for himself by himself).
You shuld all continyew to exycute your soupeerier powers of Intellek and Cummunikasion on ZZMadMans blog and blogs oil owver the galaxie. We can olways you's a litle somewon looking owver hour sholder, pointing out hour mynewtess floors and mysstakes. It clarely bilds caracters. Ceep up the gud whirks. Stryve for perfeksion !! Sea if you can eradikate all erors evrywier, ferder Nuledge an evan bring Werld piece !!
The ZZMaDmAn Tanks you wunce agane
Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Green Eyed Monster ....
Yesterday i felt a feeling i don't usually ever feel ................ and have not felt in a long time..... i would say never ......... but i don't want to be pretentious.
That feeling: JEALOUSY .....
And i don't know why ......... it's such an alien experience to me that i felt compelled to write about it.
It all started about 2 weeks ago ....... my company "XYZ" had been made an offer to send one of its employees to China to do a training course for 3 months. Only one person could have gone, and that person would be sent to China in only 2 weeks after the time that the offer was put forth. The company took 2 week to process the paper work .........being the retarded company that "XYZ" is .... so it had come to a situation where whoever they sent needed to be (by my estimation) a person that :
- Would be a valuable asset for the company to train for its future expansion (ie. they can't send a ditz)
- Is not essential to the continued operation of the company (has to be someone junior in the company)
- Has to be able to leave at the drop of a hat for 3 months (no children, spouses, rent to pay etc. - ie. has to be young and have a passport)
Based on my well processed calculations, this narrowed the field to 3 individuals - myself and 2 other girls. Now i never had any high hopes, or expectations that they'd choose me, let me just put that out their first.... i honestly thought that after the first week passed and no-one was informed that they would not be sending anyone. I let my guard down..... Yesterday one of the girls got called for an interview to go ...... wha ? Just so .... it's not even to say they interviewed us all and chose one ......... they just chose one ....... ouch.
I have nothing against the girl eh, doh get me wrong, she is a real cool person, a good friend and i'm glad for her ....... and I don't mind losing ....... i just like to know why i have lost in any given situation. What was it that eliminated me ? ..... i don't know ........ its haunting me ....... not the not going ........ but the not knowing .......
Between me and the chosen girl we had the least amount of difference (As opposed to the 3rd girl) ..... we are more or less on the same level ........ do the same job ....... same supervisor..... same work experience etc. ........... so what was the difference ?
I had hoped that given the sudden uprootment of life to go to the unknown in unpredictable circumstances in such a short period of time and having to rough it for 3 months, that my "manvantage" -the advantage of being male- would come into consideration. Me being a rough it specialist. But alas it was not meant to be ....... the "manvantage" has been totally obliterated by women of the 21st century. Woman Power !!
So salt for me ......... Maybe i'm just too competitive !! ........ Oh well ......... At least there is always Chinese food !!
"Wilberforce !! Order me some dinsum"
PS: though u may never see this, good luck in china my office buddy !!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Moving .... :(
I've been kicked out of my office ........ damn !! :(
Due to my companies ineptitude i have to give up my office because they will be giving it to another firm. So dumb .....
i probably will have to move to the main office where i will have to ....... dear i say it ......... be amongst other ppl ........ ewww
I mean ........ u humans are not sooo bad, when taken in small doses for short periods of time of course, but i don't know how my blogging ..... i mean work ..... might be affected by the constant intervention of your species into my personal space.
Alas, i knew this day would come ...... My office was truly a luxury that my station could not afford (albeit a temporary site office i had alot of room) ......
goodbye my sweet palace, though u are bland and lifeless, you have brought me much joy (I guess i too must be bland and lifeless)
My Castle Grayskull, My Death Star, My Fortress of Solitude .......... I will miss thee
I will miss the many extra resting hours that thou hath provided
I'm off to browner pastures ......... *******, you Bastard !!
Due to my companies ineptitude i have to give up my office because they will be giving it to another firm. So dumb .....
i probably will have to move to the main office where i will have to ....... dear i say it ......... be amongst other ppl ........ ewww
I mean ........ u humans are not sooo bad, when taken in small doses for short periods of time of course, but i don't know how my blogging ..... i mean work ..... might be affected by the constant intervention of your species into my personal space.
Alas, i knew this day would come ...... My office was truly a luxury that my station could not afford (albeit a temporary site office i had alot of room) ......
goodbye my sweet palace, though u are bland and lifeless, you have brought me much joy (I guess i too must be bland and lifeless)
My Castle Grayskull, My Death Star, My Fortress of Solitude .......... I will miss thee
I will miss the many extra resting hours that thou hath provided
I'm off to browner pastures ......... *******, you Bastard !!
Akon and Smallie
Everyone knows the story by now..... here is my take :
Yes i believe that there are alot of people to blame in this story, the girl, Akon, her father, Zen. But the real problem i have right now with this story is the media. This is sensationalism at it finest. Blowing up an already overheated topic just to sell newspapers and get attention. Given that their is a clear lack of parenting involved in the entire situation, do we really need to be that critical of a 14 year old girl? 14 year olds are stupid.... that's a fact of life ..its an age where u are rebellious and do dumb things. Why is the media and every minister of parliament focusing so much of their time on her as a person. Why does the guardian newspaper have to publish a WHOLE full page article with the girls hi5 pics and personal information. Triniscene can't publish a picture on their site without asking the photographee's permission. But yet the mighty Guardian (so ironic that that is their name) can waste a whole page on making a 14 year old girl feel more ashamed of herself. Does this better anything? Has this article made a difference? Or is it a malicious endeavour at selling papers? She should sue them!
Also, everyone has skirted the issue of Zen's involvement. In any other country the club would have taken the brunt of the blame. Focusing all this attention on one little misguided girl does not solve any of the problems going on the country. Right now we are treating symptoms and not looking for cures. After all of this, what measures will be put in place to prevent young misguided youth from putting themselves in the potentially detrimental, embarrassing situations? Probably none....... I'm sure if i go to zen THIS Friday there will be some smallie getting on bad !!
Yes i believe that there are alot of people to blame in this story, the girl, Akon, her father, Zen. But the real problem i have right now with this story is the media. This is sensationalism at it finest. Blowing up an already overheated topic just to sell newspapers and get attention. Given that their is a clear lack of parenting involved in the entire situation, do we really need to be that critical of a 14 year old girl? 14 year olds are stupid.... that's a fact of life ..its an age where u are rebellious and do dumb things. Why is the media and every minister of parliament focusing so much of their time on her as a person. Why does the guardian newspaper have to publish a WHOLE full page article with the girls hi5 pics and personal information. Triniscene can't publish a picture on their site without asking the photographee's permission. But yet the mighty Guardian (so ironic that that is their name) can waste a whole page on making a 14 year old girl feel more ashamed of herself. Does this better anything? Has this article made a difference? Or is it a malicious endeavour at selling papers? She should sue them!
Also, everyone has skirted the issue of Zen's involvement. In any other country the club would have taken the brunt of the blame. Focusing all this attention on one little misguided girl does not solve any of the problems going on the country. Right now we are treating symptoms and not looking for cures. After all of this, what measures will be put in place to prevent young misguided youth from putting themselves in the potentially detrimental, embarrassing situations? Probably none....... I'm sure if i go to zen THIS Friday there will be some smallie getting on bad !!
Monday, April 23, 2007
Best Blog ....
Hello people,
The ZZMaDMan wants to enter his blog onto a site with other blogs but he has to submit a sample of his blog first. So The ZZMaDMan is asking anyone who reads his blog to suggest what they think are his 4 best entries ....... in their opinion.
You can post your suggestions as comments to this blog, or e-mail them to http://www.zzmadman32@hotmail.com/ .
The ZZMaDMan will more than likely laugh and belittle your suggestions, but is appreciative of your time and your effort.
Thanking you in advance
The Supreme Overlord
The ZZMaDMan
The ZZMaDMan wants to enter his blog onto a site with other blogs but he has to submit a sample of his blog first. So The ZZMaDMan is asking anyone who reads his blog to suggest what they think are his 4 best entries ....... in their opinion.
You can post your suggestions as comments to this blog, or e-mail them to http://www.zzmadman32@hotmail.com/ .
The ZZMaDMan will more than likely laugh and belittle your suggestions, but is appreciative of your time and your effort.
Thanking you in advance
The Supreme Overlord
The ZZMaDMan
Living The Life .....
OK .......... so i went to this Catholic Mass last week at the University of the West Indies..........
Yes me at a Catholic Mass ................. Don't ask .......
And the priest was saying that the Chapel of the University, was set off of the Main Campus (intentionally so), but that although it wasn't central on the campus, that we must make it central to our lives. That church is not a place that you have to make time for, to see God or to talk to Him, but it should be something that you carry with you. Something that is always there. Something you live.
And i found these words so profoundly moving ............ not in the nonsensical gibberish he was speaking about ....... but to real practical purposes.
If you want something or believe in something, you cannot "set time aside" for it. You have to live it. you have to eat it, to sleep it, to breathe it ...... To make it an essential part of your life.
All actions taken must be in congruence with your ultimate goal. It cannot be a part time endeavour. You must live the life of the person you want to be while taking the steps to achieve it. Yeah, we all want to be fit, more studious, more driven, organized etc. But are we living those lives, or we just sitting on our asses and wishing? Yeah you want to be rich, you want to be famous, you want to be successful ...... But name one step that u have remotely taken to accomplish this?!!
I will take heed of the old priest's words. I have listened intently and have vowed to live the life that he suggested........
From this day forth i will live my life as a Tyrannical Overlord !! .......... all in preparation for one day when i rule the world !!
"Wilberforce !! ..... fetch me my robes !" (Cue Darth Vader theme song)
Yes me at a Catholic Mass ................. Don't ask .......
And the priest was saying that the Chapel of the University, was set off of the Main Campus (intentionally so), but that although it wasn't central on the campus, that we must make it central to our lives. That church is not a place that you have to make time for, to see God or to talk to Him, but it should be something that you carry with you. Something that is always there. Something you live.
And i found these words so profoundly moving ............ not in the nonsensical gibberish he was speaking about ....... but to real practical purposes.
If you want something or believe in something, you cannot "set time aside" for it. You have to live it. you have to eat it, to sleep it, to breathe it ...... To make it an essential part of your life.
All actions taken must be in congruence with your ultimate goal. It cannot be a part time endeavour. You must live the life of the person you want to be while taking the steps to achieve it. Yeah, we all want to be fit, more studious, more driven, organized etc. But are we living those lives, or we just sitting on our asses and wishing? Yeah you want to be rich, you want to be famous, you want to be successful ...... But name one step that u have remotely taken to accomplish this?!!
I will take heed of the old priest's words. I have listened intently and have vowed to live the life that he suggested........
From this day forth i will live my life as a Tyrannical Overlord !! .......... all in preparation for one day when i rule the world !!
"Wilberforce !! ..... fetch me my robes !" (Cue Darth Vader theme song)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Happy Birthday .... To Me !!
Today is the ZZMadMan's birthday ........... of sorts
And He would like to know ....... what is the office policy on the slices of leftover birthday cake ??
......... does it stay in the office with the Happy Birthdayers or does it go home with the Birthdayee. The ZZMadman had a discussion with his co-workers over this ........ some saying take it .....some saying leave it ..... Cake is always desirable to the ZZMadMan but the ZZMadMan would never reveal his greed thus jeopardizing his quest for world dominion.
The argument went back and forth ........ and became more and more heated ..... and more and more fierce.
This was however soon quelled by a well timed sneeze from the ZZMadMan, thus ending all argument !!
The ZZMadMan ......... What a DipLoMat !!
Btw .......... The ZZMadMan was not born, as such.......... But was rather poured from the motlen core of the earth , cooled by an ocean and shaped by lightning !
And He would like to know ....... what is the office policy on the slices of leftover birthday cake ??
......... does it stay in the office with the Happy Birthdayers or does it go home with the Birthdayee. The ZZMadman had a discussion with his co-workers over this ........ some saying take it .....some saying leave it ..... Cake is always desirable to the ZZMadMan but the ZZMadMan would never reveal his greed thus jeopardizing his quest for world dominion.
The argument went back and forth ........ and became more and more heated ..... and more and more fierce.
This was however soon quelled by a well timed sneeze from the ZZMadMan, thus ending all argument !!
The ZZMadMan ......... What a DipLoMat !!
Btw .......... The ZZMadMan was not born, as such.......... But was rather poured from the motlen core of the earth , cooled by an ocean and shaped by lightning !
Humans ......Tsk Tsk Tsk ......
OK ....... hot topic ....
The virginia mass murderer .......... Cho Seung-Hui
Killed 32 people .......... Was a a social outcast ........ thats a given
And now they have his "Violent Writings" circulating about on the net
Its too long for me to post everything but you can get it at :
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0417071vtech1.html
This is the intro to the Article on his play
APRIL 17--The college student responsible for yesterday's Virginia Tech slaughter was referred last year to counseling after professors became concerned about the violent nature of his writings, as evidenced in a one-act play obtained by The Smoking Gun. The play by Cho Seung-Hui, a 23-year-old English major, was submitted last year as part of a short story writing class. Entitled "Richard McBeef," Cho's bizarre play features a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophilia and murdering his father. A copy of the killer's play can be found below. The teenager talks of killing the older man and, at one point, the child's mother brandishes a chain saw at the stepfather. The play ends with the man striking the child with "a deadly blow."
I was intrigued to read it .......... to see into the mind of a weirdo ....... a viscious killer .... an undeniable psychopath ........
I was disappointed .........
I've seen more violent socially unacceptable writings on the bathroom stall of the Independence Square KFC
His play is undescriptive, mainly accusational dialogue with no actual acts of violence in it.
It looks like the shit i used to ........ i mean .... "some kids" used to write as a teenager.
Given he was a weirdo, given his writing was not all about sunshine and daisies, does that mean that any mention of non-mainstream topics is an indication of mass murder? Its all a big media frenzy. If that is what they say made him so weird what would they say about my blog? I don't justify what he did in any way shape or form but i don't understand why society is trying to put everyone on Prozac !!
I hope that if i ever go on a rampage of mayhem and destruction my readers will have more pleasent things to say about me !
The virginia mass murderer .......... Cho Seung-Hui
Killed 32 people .......... Was a a social outcast ........ thats a given
And now they have his "Violent Writings" circulating about on the net
Its too long for me to post everything but you can get it at :
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0417071vtech1.html
This is the intro to the Article on his play
APRIL 17--The college student responsible for yesterday's Virginia Tech slaughter was referred last year to counseling after professors became concerned about the violent nature of his writings, as evidenced in a one-act play obtained by The Smoking Gun. The play by Cho Seung-Hui, a 23-year-old English major, was submitted last year as part of a short story writing class. Entitled "Richard McBeef," Cho's bizarre play features a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophilia and murdering his father. A copy of the killer's play can be found below. The teenager talks of killing the older man and, at one point, the child's mother brandishes a chain saw at the stepfather. The play ends with the man striking the child with "a deadly blow."
I was intrigued to read it .......... to see into the mind of a weirdo ....... a viscious killer .... an undeniable psychopath ........
I was disappointed .........
I've seen more violent socially unacceptable writings on the bathroom stall of the Independence Square KFC
His play is undescriptive, mainly accusational dialogue with no actual acts of violence in it.
It looks like the shit i used to ........ i mean .... "some kids" used to write as a teenager.
Given he was a weirdo, given his writing was not all about sunshine and daisies, does that mean that any mention of non-mainstream topics is an indication of mass murder? Its all a big media frenzy. If that is what they say made him so weird what would they say about my blog? I don't justify what he did in any way shape or form but i don't understand why society is trying to put everyone on Prozac !!
I hope that if i ever go on a rampage of mayhem and destruction my readers will have more pleasent things to say about me !
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The ZZMadMan's Children ...
The ZZMaDMan would have 4 children:
They would be Chaos, Anarchy, Plague ................... and Bob.
Bob, of course, will be the dreadest of them all !!
***********************************************
Similarly if the ZZMaDMan met 4 young children who were brothers
And their names were: Lucifer, Belzebub, Satan and Bill
I would think that Bill was the antichrist .......... cuz hey! .......
he clearly has something to hide.
They would be Chaos, Anarchy, Plague ................... and Bob.
Bob, of course, will be the dreadest of them all !!
***********************************************
Similarly if the ZZMaDMan met 4 young children who were brothers
And their names were: Lucifer, Belzebub, Satan and Bill
I would think that Bill was the antichrist .......... cuz hey! .......
he clearly has something to hide.
Lottery Ticket .....
Some time aback i bought a lottery ticket ......... i paid for a five dollar bet with a ten dollar bill ..... the last cash i had on me for the day.... and put the change as well as the ticket in the same pocket.
The date of the draw had passed and I ....... not really being a betting man ...... had not checked the ticket. I still had the five dollars as well as the lottery ticket in the same pocket.
Stopping at traffic light at night, and seeing a familiar bum who usually solicited there, i decided to give the bum my 5 dollar change. Because, of course, charity is supposed to bring good luck !
I reached into my pocket quickly grabbed my five note gave it to the bum.... who quickly vanished into the night.
After reaching home and excitedly deciding to actually check my lottery ticket ....... i reached into my pocket grabbed what was there and pulled out ..... a five dollar note ...........
I accidentally gave away my ticket ...
I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BUM AGAIN !! ..............
The date of the draw had passed and I ....... not really being a betting man ...... had not checked the ticket. I still had the five dollars as well as the lottery ticket in the same pocket.
Stopping at traffic light at night, and seeing a familiar bum who usually solicited there, i decided to give the bum my 5 dollar change. Because, of course, charity is supposed to bring good luck !
I reached into my pocket quickly grabbed my five note gave it to the bum.... who quickly vanished into the night.
After reaching home and excitedly deciding to actually check my lottery ticket ....... i reached into my pocket grabbed what was there and pulled out ..... a five dollar note ...........
I accidentally gave away my ticket ...
I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BUM AGAIN !! ..............
Oh ...... By The Way ...
Oh ...... By The Way ... My cable is back ........ can't you hear the excitement in my drawl monotone .......... hurrrraaaaayyy .......
Not to sound like the ungrateful black man .......... but Flow made me feel like an alterboy in a confession booth.......... taken advantage of .............. by the ways of the devil that is !!
What were you thinking you sick bastards ha ha ha
Anyway, i digress ......... yes that's my new thing..... saying "I digress"
But i digress from my digression,
Flow took 2 months to install my cable to my house .......... in the end they hired a private contractor who did it in 20 minutes. Also, after it was hooked up and was still not getting a feed, we realized that they just disconnected it from the box ............. no, not because i didn't pay, but because they ran out of room for the input connections on the box so they unplugged mine to make room for another one and didn't hook mine back in. Flow ......... You Bastard !!
Anyway ....... Digital cable is not all that it is cracked up to be ............. yes u have a shit load of channels ....... But who really watches ESPN 7 ?? (Now showing ........ International Dog Distance Jumping) ..... who cares....
Their are like 10 channels i really watch anyway ..........
Not to mention i they took so long to hook me back up that my one month trial of the porno channel has expired ............. Curses Wilberforce !!
Anyway ............ i can't really think of anything funny to write about Flow .......... hereafter referred to as flow ..... They don't deserve the capital "F" ...... or on second thought - maybe they do !!
I'm out !!
Oh Before i go !! ......... The privately contracted cable installation guy gave me his phone number for "Free" cable installation (at a fee of course) .......... So if anyone is interested please write to me and i'll give you the hook up !!!!
REVENGE IS MINE !!!
Revenge is a dish best served on a pole !!
Not to sound like the ungrateful black man .......... but Flow made me feel like an alterboy in a confession booth.......... taken advantage of .............. by the ways of the devil that is !!
What were you thinking you sick bastards ha ha ha
Anyway, i digress ......... yes that's my new thing..... saying "I digress"
But i digress from my digression,
Flow took 2 months to install my cable to my house .......... in the end they hired a private contractor who did it in 20 minutes. Also, after it was hooked up and was still not getting a feed, we realized that they just disconnected it from the box ............. no, not because i didn't pay, but because they ran out of room for the input connections on the box so they unplugged mine to make room for another one and didn't hook mine back in. Flow ......... You Bastard !!
Anyway ....... Digital cable is not all that it is cracked up to be ............. yes u have a shit load of channels ....... But who really watches ESPN 7 ?? (Now showing ........ International Dog Distance Jumping) ..... who cares....
Their are like 10 channels i really watch anyway ..........
Not to mention i they took so long to hook me back up that my one month trial of the porno channel has expired ............. Curses Wilberforce !!
Anyway ............ i can't really think of anything funny to write about Flow .......... hereafter referred to as flow ..... They don't deserve the capital "F" ...... or on second thought - maybe they do !!
I'm out !!
Oh Before i go !! ......... The privately contracted cable installation guy gave me his phone number for "Free" cable installation (at a fee of course) .......... So if anyone is interested please write to me and i'll give you the hook up !!!!
REVENGE IS MINE !!!
Revenge is a dish best served on a pole !!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The Shortest Cut .....
There are very few times in life when you get something for nothing ........ In fact i think it is never. There is always a cost to everything that you receive. (Notice i said "cost" and not "price" )
This cost may not be not be monetary- it may be time, it might be effort or inginuity, but also it may come at a cost of friendships or relationships. Nothing is free. Every action has a consequence. And i don't mean in the religious sense in that there is a supreme being dealing out punishments and rewards in accordance with his appeasement or displeasment with humans. (Not that i don't necessarily believe in a supreme being - but rather that i believe such a being would not waste time on petty nuisances). So I don't believe this in a religious sense, but quite opposingly as common sense ..... lol
Common sense, logically speaking, everything gained is made at the sacrifice of something else (time, money, friendships etc.).
I was always a firm believer in the shortest cut ........ taking the best short cut to achieve your goal ...... work smart and not hard. I still believe in it ........ but with some slight alterations. To achieve the shortest cut, and be successful, some sacrifice must be made ....... usually in the form of a small goat in a pentagon ..... i'm kidding. (I know its supposed to be a pentagram, but the ZZMadMan likes shapes)
But seriously, some sacrifice has to be made..... If i want to achieve a task, but also spend a short time on it (thus affording me ample time to goof off/ watch TV/scratch my hefty nuts) ....... then either I have to:
This cost may not be not be monetary- it may be time, it might be effort or inginuity, but also it may come at a cost of friendships or relationships. Nothing is free. Every action has a consequence. And i don't mean in the religious sense in that there is a supreme being dealing out punishments and rewards in accordance with his appeasement or displeasment with humans. (Not that i don't necessarily believe in a supreme being - but rather that i believe such a being would not waste time on petty nuisances). So I don't believe this in a religious sense, but quite opposingly as common sense ..... lol
Common sense, logically speaking, everything gained is made at the sacrifice of something else (time, money, friendships etc.).
I was always a firm believer in the shortest cut ........ taking the best short cut to achieve your goal ...... work smart and not hard. I still believe in it ........ but with some slight alterations. To achieve the shortest cut, and be successful, some sacrifice must be made ....... usually in the form of a small goat in a pentagon ..... i'm kidding. (I know its supposed to be a pentagram, but the ZZMadMan likes shapes)
But seriously, some sacrifice has to be made..... If i want to achieve a task, but also spend a short time on it (thus affording me ample time to goof off/ watch TV/scratch my hefty nuts) ....... then either I have to:
- do an effort re-allocation (coersing/paying/tricking someone else to do it) - at the cost of
-getting caught
-losing respect
-losing control
-the sacrifice of your own development - put in a greater effort concentration (greater effort in less time) .. ie. cram - at the cost of
-a greater leverage of time (no liming/parties closer to the due date)
-sleep (usually the case)
-health (over-extent of oneself)
-disposition (the emotional aspect) - put in a greater mental concentration - ie smart-maness.
(Like finding a mental path through the woods that has a shorter distance to the main road way). This path is usually hidden, otherwise of course everyone will take it, and it won't really be a short cut, or it may be somewhat tricky.
This comes at the cost of:
-the mental effort required equivalent to the "beat the trick"
-time effort required to "beat the trick"
-People not liking you: hard workers never like smart workers. (But who cares about losers anyway) lol
(Calling in favours falls into this category - performing favours is also effective but just not as acceptable lol)
All of these "methods" usually also come at the sacrifice of quality (though not always)
Ie ..... If you want something big to happen, you have to do something big. Reward does not always exactly equal effort, but it runs parallel to it. It is a symbiotic relationship. So if you want to achieve a certain level of success ........GET CRACK-A-LACKING !!
Either that or just be content to scratching your nuts !! (or whatever you got)
Disclaimer: "Scratching your nuts", although being a male-sex genitalia reference, is spoken of figuretively, and not meant to discriminate against women who would also like to "Scratch Their Nuts"
The ZZMaDMan would never discriminate against the ladies ;)
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